It has happened to Web Watch, and we’re sure it’s happened to you: you’re hanging out with your friends all weekend and you forget to plug your phone in to recharge, and now you’re stuck in a situation where your phone is on it’s last battery display bar and you still have 5 hours to go before you can get to your charger.
By now, Web Watch is certain that our readers have heard of the “dating” website ASHLEY MADISON. If you haven’t, then all you need to know is that the people who sign up for dating on that site are all currently married.
Yes, there had to be a catch, right? Speed dating is sooo 2002.
First, some history: when Epcot first opened, the plan was for the park to not have any of the traditional Disney characters present at all. Of course, “where are the characters?” was a common complaint from families who visited and expected to see Disney characters at any Disney theme park they visited – which, at the time consisted of just the Magic Kingdom and Disneyland…not exactly a large sample size to deal with, here.
But Epcot did have one cuddly, friendly cartoony character available – FIGMENT, the playful winged dragon of imagination — who, along with his mentor Dreamfinder, became the defacto face of Epcot when no other characters were available.
Web Watch is a big fan of the classic video games that populated arcades back in the 80’s and early 90’s.
Not like today’s gaming arenas, filled with craptastic ticket-dispensing machines that teach kids different variations of gambling in order to “earn” enough tickets to buy a lousy stuffed animal that would have cost half as much if purchased directly from the local Toys R Us.
No, we’re talking the classic quarter-munching games like Galaga, Ms Pac Man, Defender, i-Robot, Dig Dug, Robotron, and others from the best game years.
Laugh all you want, Nintendo-boy. We liked our games simple, with a single joystick and maybe two buttons. Cheesy audio and bad graphics were state-of-the-art at the time… and you still felt as if you got your quarter’s worth every time you played.
Web Watch admits that we watch a lot of TV. And frankly, we’re willing to watch practically anything that the networks and various cable channels decide to fill our TiVo automatically-recorded suggestions queue with.
Which is why we don’t understand what all the kerfuffle is that some have about the types of characters that TV anf film writers and producers decide to use on their scripted shows. Web Watch doesn’t care about the sexual orientation of the characters on the shows or films we watch – we just want what we’re watching to be good in the first place.
Specifically, a fetish about women who are constipated. Beautiful women, that is.
Tom’s fascination with poop – or lack thereof, it appears – puts him into the same category as a klismaphiliac (a person with an enema fetish), a mysophiliac (a person with an excretion fetish), or an eproctolagniac (a person with a fart fetish).
Keeping the pipes clean is a four-step process:
Hydration: more water in the colon helps keep the pipes clear
Mechanical: add bulky high-insoluble fiber to your diet
Irritation: the colon needs a little irritation, such as psyllium husks or flax seed
Stimulation: caffeine, nicotine, or exercise
If you’re not doing enough of each of these four items, Tom may take an unhealthy interest in you and your clogged-up bowels.
So Web Watch would like to offer this public service announcement to help our more attractive Web Watch readers avoid people like Tom and become more regular, with some of these HANDY TIPS TO RELIEVE CONSTIPATION:
a Reuben sandwich
Aloe juice (mixed with lemon and water)
10 oz hot water and 1 lemon squeezed in
1 cup Magen-darm tee (Really strong chamomile tea)
3 shots of espresso
A tummy massage starting at the navel, in a clockwise motion up to above your pubic bone for 2 minutes
Touch your toes and reach up into the air and repeat for 2 minutes.
Eat fresh unsweetened, active culture whole milk yogurt with raw Quaker oats
Eliminate white flours and refined sugar
Increase intake of healthy oils like Extra-Virgin Olive Oil
Constantly eat celery before, during and after meals
This is a day celebrated around the world as a way to highlight obscure activities and hidden gems found in cities all over the world.
Perhaps there’s a secret underground tour that you’ve been dying to take, or a unique museum in an out-of-the-way town that nobody ever visits that should be brought to someone’s attention. Obscura Day is your invitation to do those things that you’ve always wanted to check out.