21 words of advice for touring musicians: #2 on the list? Claim your farts


By web gangsta | Published:


Fart in a Jar
Fart in a Jar

When bands travel around the country, they usually start out in a van of some sort before finally hitting it big and being able to rent — or if they’re smart, owning — their own tour bus.

And on every band tour bus that Web Watch has been on, they’ve all had one rule posted.

The toilet is only for pee.  No #2 in the bus toilet.

This same rule applies for rental RVs.  Those of you who have taken a weekend trip in one know exactly what Web Watch means about this being one of the most important rules to follow.

Musician Thor Harris has compiled a LIST OF 21 RULES FOR ALL TRAVELLING BANDS that is not just applicable to aspiring artists, but should be something that is posted for anyone planning a road trip with their buddies.  Web Watch has posted a few of Thor’s tips below the cut:

  • Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut up you dick. Damn.
  • If you fart, claim it.
  • Don’t have sex with anyone in the band. There are tons of people to have sex with who are not in this band. Dumbass.
  • Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
  • Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
  • If YOU can’t carry your suitcase three blocks, it’s too damn big. (Web Watch has used this rule when traveling with others — our version is “Pack whatever you want… but if you can’t carry all your crap, you can’t take it with you.”)
  • If you borrow something, return it in it’s original, working condition.
  • Driver picks the music.
  • One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else should shut up.
  • Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
  • Clean up after yourself. What are you… a toddler?

So after reading the full 21-point list, Kevin Coffey at the World-Herald came up some ADDITIONAL RULES OF THE ROAD. 

  • Bring your own listening material
  • Don’t do a cover of the band you’re opening for.
  • Febreze
  • Toilet paper: when nature calls and bathroom attendants are on strike, it’s up to you to provide for the family.

And if any Web Watch reader has any rules of the road of their own to add, feel free to post your comment below.