10 Rules for Walking on the Sidewalk (stop, move, or get out of our way!)


By web gangsta | Published:

Where the Sidewalk Ends
Where the Sidewalk Ends

Web Watch has worked in New York City.  We’ve fought the crowds there, and frankly — rush hour there is absolutely everything you think it would be.

It’s crowded, it’s smelly – and the successful NYC commuters all have this “look”.  The “don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, I’m not looking at you, get out of my way” look.  Nobody is stopping to smell the roses or window shop or take a look around them at what some call the Most Amazing City In The World.

Nope, they’re too busy making sure that they don’t run into those tourists who wander New York City with their mouths agape, staring up at the tall buildings while they fumble their Kodak Instamatic disposable camera from their safe-and-secure fanny pack.

It’s because of people like them — the mouth-breathers who don’t understand that We Have Places To Go Because We Are Very Important so they don’t move their lard-asses out of the way — that someone needed to come up with the TOP TEN RULES OF SIDEWALK WALKING.  Oh, so many of these could be applied to the Stupid Disney Families who don’t know not to take two stroller-widths worth of space as they meander down Main Street USA.  Yeah, it’s a freakin’ Castle — take the picture and move along.

  • No zigzagging
  • No walking three abreast
  • Failure to maintain minimum speed
  • Failure to stay to the right
  • Window-shopping while outside of the approved Window Shopping Zone
  • Bumping into others while using an electronic device

A lot of these could also apply to the Food Hoarders at Costco, Sam’s Club, or any other freebie food counter:  in essence, take your damn snack and MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.  You don’t need to do a fake chat with the old lady cutting up cookie dough to pretend that you’re interested in what she’s sampling. 

SHE DOESN’T CARE!  All she wants to do is make 3 dozen snacks an hour and make it through her shift so she can get home to her cats. 

Take your food and keep moving your overloaded cart down the aisle.  Free up room for others to get a snack themselves and/or get around you as you stuff your face with High Fructose Corn Syrup Industrial Size Snacks.   And kids, we don’t need to remind you that This Is Also Why You’re Fat and your parents are pushing you around in a shopping cart instead of insisting that you walk through the store to get the Super Size pack of Bagel Bite Pizza Snacks.