Out of other options? Why not sell your soul to the devil? (Here’s how!)

Satan Loves You

It turns out that everything you could possible want to do online, is available nowadays.

The latest trend?

SELLING YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL, ONLINE.

Yes, it’s true – the Internet really has made getting things done more convenient.  Before, you had to wait by the side of the road and playing a fiddle before the devil tracks you down to take a bet that you won’t regret.  But now, selling your soul to the devil is just another online transaction.The official contract states the obvious legalese that’s required these days:  you relinquish ownership of your immortal soul blah blah blah give to him the rights and privileges yadda yadda.  And in return, you will possess substantial sums of money, fulfillment of all lusts, and destruction of all that opposes you — and as an added bonus, for every person you get damned and dead, you will live an additional two years and a day.

It’s all just boilerplate these days, you know the drill.

But it’s the OPTIONAL PACKAGES that really seal the deal:

• A night of play and fantasy:  allows for movie stars and fashion models to be used as playthings
• Tickets to the annual international Black Mass and Satanic Orgy.   Featuring you as a celebrity guest.  Silk pillows and goblets of wine?  Sounds like a kick-ass party!
• Membership to the Secret Vatican Council
• and much, much more…

There used to be a framed memento commemerating the sale of your soul available for $3, but the address seems to have been misplaced. 

Oh well, we’re sure it will turn up eventually.  After all, you have all of eternity to find it.