Web Watch » Websites

We write like Stephen King. Who do you write like?

web gangsta — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:00:01 +0000

On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft, by Stephen King

Writing Web Watch is not often easy.

It’s not the finding cool stuff to write about. Web Watch has a stack of things in our To Do pile to address at some point, and the Internet is always growing. We’ll never have a topic shortage here.

No, it’s the actual writing that can be problematic. Finding the right words to say, putting them into their proper order. Making sure words are formed into phrases, that timing and spacing is correct. Whoever said that writing wasn’t work was lying. (Yes, we’re looking at you… every English teacher who ever taught.)

So when Web Watch stumbled upon the site I WRITE LIKE, we jumped at the chance to see if all the effort we poured into Web Watch was paying off.So we took a number of previous Web Watch posts and pasted them into the I WRITE LIKE text box and hit submit.

The first entry told us that we wrote like STEPHEN KING. Fine, we’ll accept that. Let’s try a few more just to be sure that we weren’t misled.

Stephen King.
Stephen King.
David Foster Wallace.
Edgar Allen Poe.
Stephen King.
Chuck Palahniuk.

Six randomly selected pieces of text entered, and the overwhelming result is that we write like Stephen King.

Not too shabby.

Of course, what we need to understand is that the I WRITE LIKE database is currently at 50 different authors, all taken from the top of the writing charts. So the chances of your writing being compared to somebody known as being quite good is relatively high… and a little bit less scientific than the site presents itself as.

The methodology is quite simple – the programmer who wrote the application just fed in works written by those authors and boiled them down to a core set of terms and phrases. Then the same thing is done to whatever you submit, and the results are compared to each other. If you’re lucky, there will be a match between what you wrote and what works by those writing masters have done. For example, the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” proved to be a match to Shakespeare.

Web Watch knows that ain’t right.

As the creator of the site said himself, “it’s not rocket science” to figure this out. It’s obviously still a work in progress.

But we’ll enjoy our Stephen King comparison for the time being, until something better comes along.

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My Fault, I’m Female – it’s like FML, but for women

web gangsta — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 23:00:48 +0000

I am Woman

Remember F***MY LIFE (aka “FML”) that Web Watch told you about last year?

That’s the website where people bitch and complain about how their life sucks more than yours, and everyone gets to vote on their favorite F-ups?

Apparently, that site wasn’t catering directly enough to women.

Some women wanted a more serene place to be than the rough-and-tumble world of FML.

So they created MY FAULT, I’M FEMALE to allow themselves a place to vent about all their women troubles.

MFIF is where you’ll find stories about glass ceilings and the old boy’s network at work; doctors, policemen, and other professionals dismissing a woman’s opinion as (wait for it…) “just a woman’s opinion”; and other misogynistic, pig-headed ways that women are treated unfairly while they try to go about their every day lives.

Now, before you go about saying “but there already is an FML site that’s perfectly fine and dandy, why do we need this one just for women”, we’ll just share their reasoning for the site here. It should be make perfect sense why MFIF is needed:

40 years after the Equal Pay Act in Britain, women still earn 17% less than men for full-time and 36% less for part-time work. This blog also seeks to expose sexism with accounts of discrimination, lack of respect for maternity rights, employers who don’t care about work-life balance, and disparity in pay.

We want to highlight what is still an entrenched problem in our workplaces, streets, and homes, while sharing stories on a non-judgmental platform.

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Got at least $12,000? Book THE DAN BAND for your next party. GREEN DAY will cost you a little more

web gangsta — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:00:59 +0000

More Gigs Now: Concert Booking Secrets of Successful Musicians

Web Watch last covered how much money it would take to book an artist for a private party many years ago.

Since then, the list of available artists has changed… as have the prices that they’ve charged.

So we felt that now was just as good a time as any to revisit the topic and present a selection of booking information we’ve found that can help you BUDGET AN ARTIST BOOKING FOR A PRIVATE EVENT.

Here is a sampling of approximate costs that you can expect to pay at a minimum if you decide to throw an exclusive private party and want a big-name artist or speaker to come and perform for you and your drunk friends at your house:

ADAM RICHMAN from MAN VS FOOD: $10,000+
Olympic Gold Medalist APOLO OHNO: $60,000+
The Fonz – HENRY WINKLER: $25,000
American Idol Judge KARA DIOGUARDI: $15,000-$25,000
Former NBC news anchor TOM BROKAW: $110,000+
SNL cast member DARRELL HAMMOND: $35,000-$40,000
Actor/comedian DAVID CROSS: $20,000
Comedian/AFLAC duck voice - GILBERT GOTTFRIED: $15,000
JERRY SEINFELD: between $250,000-350,000
From various movies, such as THE HANGOVER, THE DAN BAND – $12,000-15,000
VILLAGE PEOPLE: $25,000+
BRUCE HORNSBY: $35,000++
CHEAP TRICK: $35,000
BEN FOLDS: $45,000
THE BLACK EYED PEAS: $350,000+
GREEN DAY: $500,000++
HARRY CONNICK JR.: $100,000 +++
ASHER ROTH: $20,000
COOLIO: $20,000
JASON DERULO: $25,000-30,000+
KELIS: $25,000-30,000

As always, actual costs may be higher or lower depending on what you’re situation is and what you’re offering the artist — who knows, maybe they’ll show up at your wedding for free…all you have to do is ask.

UPDATE: The Dan Band is listed above as $12-15k. Apparently, it all depends on what you want. ACCORDING TO AN EMAIL THAT THEIR MANAGER SENT, the 7-piece band will run $15-25k while the 3-piece band is the $10-15k range. Of course, travel expenses for the band and their crew are not included. If you just want a personalized video, that runs a relatively paltry $1,500.

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Audio Fun: Create your own Old Spice outgoing voicemail message

web gangsta — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:04:23 +0000

Old Spice Body Wash

If you have been enjoying the OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS that have been sweeping across the Internet this week that star Isaiah Mustafa recording personalized Old Spice-themed messages as responses to Twitter, Facebook, and other messages that have been sent his way, then perhaps you’d want to visit one of these sites to record some history for yourself.

THE OLD SPICE MAN VOICEMAIL GENERATOR or THE OLD SPICE VOICEMAIL GENERATOR FOR MEN OR WOMEN.

Just enter a number and select from the presented choices, and your personalized MP3 will be generated and made available for your download and use – finally allowing your unanswered phone to not smell like desperation anymore.

This Old Spice campaign is, by all accounts from those who follow these types of things, sheer brilliance in using social media to reach out to a new demographic who may not be interested in the seemingly old-skewing Old Spice brand. Kudos to the marketers for trying something new, and making it funny/worthwhile to follow along with.

How did they do it? You may want to check out one of these articles that can better explain the marketing genius behind this unique campaign:

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10 Epic Pop Culture Fails

web gangsta — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:00:31 +0000

How to Write Linkbait

10 Epic Pop Culture Fails is an example of a linkbait headline.

LINK BAIT IS A TERM USED BY INTERNET MARKETERS to indicate a type of writing that is used to generate interest in your subject matter. Basically, anything that you write that can get people blogging about what you’ve written, discussing it on forums, watching it on TV, buying your magazine, posting on social websites like del.icio.us — all can be categorized as “link bait”.

Tabloid newspapers and local TV news programs during sweeps week use link bait all the time with their sensational headlines and feature story teases — anything to keep the reader or news viewer to stay plugged in to catch the story is what they’re after… even if the final story really has nothing to do with what the tease headline originally was.

But writing creative and interesting story headlines can be difficult at times.

That’s where the LINK BAIT GENERATOR comes in to help out. If you’re looking for a sensational headline to tease an upcoming story, the Link Bait Generator can help you out. As an example, here are 10 free feature story ideas that Web Watch obtained from the Link Bait Generator:

15 must-see websites about healthcare reform
Is online privacy treated unfairly in the USA?
7 ways Batman could cure cancer
5 amazing things you probably didn’t know about Google
How to sound like Justin Bieber
Religion and the occult
10 reasons why Miley Cyrus is a genius
5 life lessons learned from killer robots
8 ways heroin could help you survive a zombie attack
9 reasons why Ron Paul resembles a crazy roman emperor

You see, it’s all about mixing and matching popular search phrases (like “ninjas”) with an assortment of adjectives and nouns. It’s your basic grammar and vocabulary 101 course.

So if you use the generator to create a catchy title for you, be sure to post what it is (and where you used it) in the comments below…

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How to accurately map the state of Michigan to your hand

web gangsta — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 23:00:25 +0000

World Map Wallpaper

We all know that your right hand (palm up) is the Internationally Known Map of the state of Michigan.

But everyone always points to the wrong part of the hand when saying where they are from, whether it be Detroit, Midland, Flint, Kohler, or Battle Creek.

Everyone is always a little bit off.Well, thanks to the folks at STRANGE MAPS, a site dedicated to archiving all sorts of interesting real and fascinating fictitious maps found in various media, we now have the ULTIMATE OVERLAY OF MICHIGAN FOR USE AS A PALM MAP.

So lay your right hand out in front of you, palm up, and take a tour through your instant portable map of Michigan with Web Watch:

The area of the thumb, separated from the other fingers by Saginaw Bay, is actually known as… The Thumb.
The bottomest part of the bay, corresponding with the webby part of your hand between your thumb and index finger is Bay City
The tip of your pinkie is Northport, on the Leelanau Peninsula.
The tip of your middle finger is Mackinaw City, Michigan’s most popular tourist attraction

The site also includes how to incorporate your left hand as the Michigan Upper Peninsula. All of this is handy in case your GPS ever craps out on you as you’re driving up to the Great White North.

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Can’t get enough vuvuzela at the office? Then you’ll love this site

web gangsta — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 11:00:42 +0000

Vuvuzela Anthem

Enjoy! Brrrrrzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOW THE VUVUZELA

(here’s a handy hint – click, then move the mouse away from the “play” button… the audio should continue to play in the window after you release the mouse)

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At what age should “Family Naked Time” end?

web gangsta — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 23:00:11 +0000

Family Guy Naked Glasses

Web Watch was eating dinner at a friend’s house the other day when Mom asked her 21-month-old daughter if she wanted to have NAKED TIME and run around the house.

To those unfamiliar with the concept, “Naked Time” is not so much a way to encourage children to run around the house nekkid as it is to give a regularly-diapered butt some time to air out a little to help prevent diaper rash.

But raising children sometimes calls for FAMILY NAKED TIME, whether it be intentional (such as a parent showering with their children because it’s easier to get everyone clean at the same time than it is to have a dedicated bathtime) – or unintentional (such as leaving a bedroom door open when one walks out of the shower and finds themselves walking into a bedroom or hallway filled with family). Sometimes one grows up in a Naked Family, and sometimes one does not.

A common question online is WHAT THE CUTOFF AGE SHOULD BE FOR NAKED TIME. The general consensus seems to be around 5-years-old, with some families that are more comfortable being naked in the house taking it up to the pre-teen years.

That said, some take the same stance as pediatrician Dr. Cara Natterson does, in that there’s no reason to change a thing unless the children start making specific embarrassing inquiries, or begin to feel uncomfortabl themselves. Parents should be able to notice those types of cues from their own children and make appropriate cover-up changes in habits. You may also want to follow some of these tips on when parents should begin to cover up.

Of course, Dr Natterson’s opinion is in line with Christina Aguilera’s comment that Naked Sundays will continue in her household now that she has children of her own. She says that on Sundays, “…we do everything naked. We cook naked…”

Cooking naked? Web Watch has to draw a line somewhere. Sometimes aprons are a necessity.

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The Universal Record Database: Documenting Life’s Greatest (and not so great) Accomplishments

web gangsta — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:00:33 +0000

Guinness World Records Video Game – Wii

Have you ever wanted to set a world record?

Sure, you’ve read through the GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS and contemplated what you could do for fame and infamy, whether there was any category of achievement or secret skill that you may have that would qualify for inclusion in the next edition.

And sadly, while there are thousands of possible records that are recognized as Official World Records, there are also those activities that deserve to be included in some sort of World Record Database – ANY database will do, especially when it’s something as mundane as seeing how long you could throw a ball around the apartment with your friends without letting it hit the ground.

Because until someone else comes along and does the same thing in your apartment, it’s still going to count as a world record.

If only there was some way to record and report these types of things without having to go through an official documenting body, such as Guinness.Well, now you can.

Thanks to the UNIVERSAL RECORDS DATABASE, anything you can do at a world-record level can be recorded and included for all to see and challenge to best.

Let’s take a look at some of the more popular and top-rated challenges listed in the URDB:

Most Consecutive Table Tennis Ball Bounces While on Knees and Dribbling a Basketball in Other Hand
Most Claps in 30 Seconds While Standing on One Leg
Longest Hand Coo
Most Catches While Juggling Four Bowling Pins
Most Animal Bracelets Worn on Wrist at Once
Most Giraffe Tattoos on a Shoulder
Fastest Time to Ball 10 Pairs of Socks
Most T-Shirts Put On in One Minute
Fastest Time to Take a Photo of One’s Son with an iPhone and Digitally Apply a Mustache to It
Longest Tongue Extension Past Lower Teeth
Most Toy Cars Fit Inside a Pair of Pants Worn by a 6-year-old
Fastest Time To Recite First 100 Digits Of Pi While Balancing One-Legged On A Balance Board, Manipulating A Basketball And Bouncing A Golf Ball On A Rubber Mallet
Most People Simultaneously Flossing with the Same Piece of Dental Floss

And these are just a small sampling of what already has been done.

As you can see, anything that you can think of can qualify as a New World Record. Until someone else comes along and breaks it, of course. But half the fun is trying, isn’t it?

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“Perky Panties” – If you believe the marketing, It’s What Every Woman Needs

web gangsta — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 23:00:35 +0000

Perky Panties Pheremone Wash

Web Watch had some interesting inventions the other day, and here’s one more for you:

Enterprising inventors have determined that women’s panties need a little something extra added to them — aside from the fact that your average underwear contains 1/10 of a gram of poop, as Web Watch pointed out earlier.

Yes, that’s right. Women need PERKY PANTIES.

Perky Panties is “Woolite with an attitude”. It’s a pheremone-enhanced hand-wash laundy rinse for a lady’s delicate underthings. Because anything that can add some extra sex appeal has to be good, right?

Web Watch doesn’t know if the whole pheremone-in-the-underwear thing really works or not, but even if Perky Panties is a placebo – anything that can lend a bit of a confidence boost to the wearer by making them believe that their underwear is giving them a little something extra for a night out on the town is providing the exact same benefit as an actual pheremone product would. A confident woman will naturally draw attention to herself, just like panties that smell like pheremones would do.

**(A correction. Let’s change that last sentence to read “…panties that are scented with pheremones would do”. We’ll try to remember for the future that “smell” doesn’t always have the best connotation. We’re sorry for the misunderstanding.)**

And because Web Watch is here to help you – while you can buy Perky Panties at Amazon, you can also buy Perky Panties at SHOP IN PRIVATE, a discrete online shopping destination that specializes in selling products of a more… sensitive… nature.

SHOP IN PRIVATE sells items in the following categories:

Embarrassing Products
Hard to Find Items
Strange Products
Birth Control
Hair Growth
Warts and Cold Sores
Home Tests
…and other items that you wouldn’t want to pick up at your local Wal-Mart pharmacy aisle during rush hour, if you know what we mean

They really have it all. From HELLO KITTY “toys” (in pink or black) to tissue boxes with hidden compartments for specialty items, to Journey’s Greatest Hits (“sing along to your favorite cheesy ballads”) or the Flat-D Fart Filter – SHOP IN PRIVATE really does have it all.

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Odd invention of the day: Anti-Aging Cream made from Infant Foreskin

web gangsta — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 23:00:57 +0000

SkinMedica -- TNS: Essential Serum

SkinMedica is a San Francisco-based company that specializes in anti-aging creams and lotions to help restore elasticity to aging skin.

And, it appears from what Web Watch reads on other sites, that they will make an anti-aging cream just for you… if you send them your baby’s foreskin to use as an ingredient. It must be true, as it was allegedly announced as such on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show in 2007.

And we know that Oprah wouldn’t lie to us, would she? Besides, SkinMedica isn’t the only company doing this. A different company uses foreskins to make Vavelta, which is injected to help smooth wrinkles as Botox does.

Here’s what Penn & Teller’s program BULL$#!T had to say about it:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJBy3k9MfTE

Here’s a “didja know” item for you: one infant foreskin can produce four acres of engineered skin with a five-day shelf life, and can earn as much as $100,000.

But honestly, an anti-aging cream made from infant foreskin really is the least of our worries when it comes to unusual products to make us look pretty, isn’t it? It was just one of many items on this LIST OF STRANGE BEAUTY PRODUCTS:

Perfume made from Whale Vomit
Flirty Pheromone Lotion
Moisturizer made from Snail Goo
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
Snake Venom Facials

And those are not the only unusual inventions Web Watch uncovered for you today. Nope, it was just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended). But we’ll wait for a later post to share another of today’s finds with you.

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Today’s Fun Sites: Crap Our Kids Made vs Crap Our Kids Ruined

web gangsta — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 23:00:57 +0000

Harold and the Purple Crayon

If you have kids (or have friends that do), chances are that you have seen first-hand both the destruction that kids can do to practically anything of value in the home, as well as the “art” that the parents feel they need to hang on their office wall to share with their co-workers.

So today, Web Watch takes a look at these two sides of the child-rearing coin:

The good – WHAT OUR KIDS MADE
and the badly awesome – CRAP MY KIDS RUINED

First, let’s look at the inspirational site entitled WHAT OUR KIDS MADE. And be honest - if your child’s primary method of expressing themselves with art is an 8-color box of Crayola crayons and a My Little Pony coloring book, chances are that your kids really don’t have any artistic talent in them.

Still, those same parents proudly tack those handmade drawings up on the refrigerator or on their office cubicle walls to share with all visitors, as if to say “look at my child, the budding Picasso”. WHAT OUR KIDS MADE just takes that sharing one step further, and turns the entire Internet into a giant refrigerator for parents to post their child’s artwork.

Yes, 99% of those drawing really aren’t any good – but once in a while you’ll find something insprirational or amusing – those items that you won’t just throw away after the week’s kitchen art exhibit is over, but will store away in order to bring out as a part of some engagement party slide show in order to induce “Awwwwws” from the audience.

Yes, those are the moments when you should be happy to be a parent.

Which brings us to Web Watch’s second site of the day: CRAP MY KIDS RUINED. Which is exactly what it sounds like.

From pictures of broken cellphones, written-on walls, to a ruined $180,000 Porsche, the site bills itself as “The Strongest Visual Birth Control on the Market Today”. Yes, those of you without kids will laugh at others’ misfortune. Those with kids will be able to commiserate with each other…until something tragic happens in your own home. This site serves as a reminder that you should always take pictures of your prized possessions before the kids arrive — mainly for insurance claim reasons — but also because your stuff won’t look the same after the kids are through.

Remember Web Watch’s HOW TO PREPARE FOR PARENTHOOD list? We’ll just remind you of item #4:

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Not so funny now that it’s actually happened to you, is it? Don’t worry – it will be. Just be sure to take that picture and post it on CRAP MY KIDS RUINED for the rest of us.

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According to the AP Stylebook, they are spelled “website” and “e-mail”

web gangsta — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 23:00:18 +0000

The Elements of Style

Proper spelling and pronounciation is a long-standing debate amongst techno-nerds. For example, is a GIF image pronounced “JIF” (like the peanut butter) or “GIF” (rhymes with “gift”)? We usually settle it by saying it both ways in the course of a graphic-related conversation so that nobody feels superior to another.

Spelling, however, can be dictated by a central authority. Most of us are familiar with Merriam Webster, or at least the Scrabble Players Dictionary (where you may not get the definition you’re looking for, but at least you’ll have the word spelled correctly for that triple-word score).

So when the new AP STYLEGUIDE was announced with new words and spellings, you can imagine how excited wordsmiths must feel, as if they received a new toy at Christmastime.Among the new words that the AP has released for usage in proper press writings were some newly (and not-so-newly) coined Internet-related phrases that you may have struggled with in the past as to whether you were using the properly spelled verion of the term or not.

Here are some of the updated entries in the latest edition, in no particular order. Note the use of capitalization or hyphens along the way:

A-list
Alcoholics Anonymous
app
blogs
Bluetooth
Blu-ray
bondholder
Breathalyzer
click-throughs
e-mail
e-book
e-reader
flu-like
the verbs “friend” and “unfriend”
GED
The Great Recession, referring to the 2007-2008 economic downturn
hard line
high-five
International Space Station
metadata
“mic” is now allowed as the shortened form of “microphone”
RSS
search engine optimization
smart phone
Taser
tea party, referring to the political movement
thumbs-up
trending
Ultimate Fighting
There is a difference between “Wal-Mart Stores Inc” (the corporate name) and “Walmart” (the stores themselves). Web Watch still prefers “WallyWorld”, which still has not made it into the AP Stylebook.
The term “web site” has been changed to “website”.
“Web” is a capitalized proper noun when used to refer to the World Wide Web
widget
wiki

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The Vaccine/Autism Connection: the Jenny McCarthy Body Count

web gangsta — Thu, 27 May 2010 23:00:27 +0000

Healing and Preventing Autism

Autism is one of those conditions whose cause has been difficult to find.

Some parents of autistic children and other autism advocates — as many as one in four parents — have said that CHILDREN’S VACCINES CAUSE AUTISM. Since that original 1998 report proposing that there was a link between vaccination shots and autism came out, further studies since then have SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN THAT NO SUCH LINK EXISTS.Jenny McCarthy, popular model, actress, and former co-host of the fantastic MTV game show SINGLED OUT, has been one of the more outspoken supporters of the autism/vaccine connection. In an interview with TIME shortly after her book HEALING AND PREVENTING AUTISM came out, she said the following about vaccinations given to children, and why she believes that giving children shots early in their development is one possible cause to autism:

We don’t believe it’s only the mercury. Aluminum and other toxins also play a role. The viruses in the vaccines themselves can be causing it, too….. People have the misconception that we want to eliminate vaccines. Please understand that we are not an antivaccine group. We are demanding safe vaccines. We want to reduce the schedule and reduce the toxins. If you ask a parent of an autistic child if they want the measles or the autism, we will stand in line for the f___ing measles.

And that’s why the JENNY MCCARTHY BODY COUNT website was created — to shed light on the fact that the suggestion by anti-vaccination advocates to parents to not vaccinate their children for various diseases could lead to illnesses and deaths that could have otherwise been prevented.

The site reports the number of those illnesses and deaths that have occurred since June 2007, based on publically-available information.

Interestingly, even after the report debunking the autism/vaccine link came out, Jenny still claims that her son’s autism was caused by the MMR shots he was given, but later was “cured” of his autism by going on a gluten-free diet.

What do you think?

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How Disney Villains stack up against each other, and against other characters

web gangsta — Wed, 26 May 2010 23:00:56 +0000

The Disney Villain

Remember a few months ago when Web Watch showed you the PIXAR CHARACTER SIZING CHART? Well, it seems that was just the beginning for artist Juan Pablo Bravo.

Since then, he has come out with two additional charts in his character sizing series:

Now, Web Watch will admit that there are some slight issues with these two artistic presentations.

First, the Villain image is merely a derivative of the Disney Character image. One would think that there would not be any overlap between the two, just for categorization purposes. And he’s including Pixar villains here, but not on the main Disney Character page. As DeAndre Cole would say, “What Up With That”?

Second, there may be some controversy with how some of the characters are depicted. It looks like Tinker Bell is represented as a much larger character than she should be… and there are some Disney enthusiasts who would insist that Tink should also appear on the Villain image.

That said, at least Juan separated out the primary Disney Villains from their associated henchmen. According to Juan, the primary villains should be:

The Queen
Stromboli
Chernabog
Headless Horseman
Lady Tremaine
Queen of Hearts
Captain Hook
Si & Am
Maleficent
Cruella De Vil
Madame Mim
Shere Khan
Edgar
Prince John
Madame Medusa
The Horned King
Professor Ratigan
Sykes
Ursula
Gaston
Jafar
Scar
Governor Ratcliffe
Sid Phillips
Frollo
Hades
Shan Yu
Hopper
Clayton
Yzma
Randall Boggs
Rourke
Captain Gantu
Long John Silver
Alameda Slim
Syndrome
Skinner
Bowler
Auto
Charles Muntz
Dr Facilier

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How To Legally Change Your Name (guess what Jack Roy and Chaim Witz have in common)

web gangsta — Tue, 25 May 2010 23:00:28 +0000

The Name Change Kit for Brides

Changing your name can be a difficult process, whether it be for business, professional, or personal reasons.

Jack Roy, like other FAMOUS NAME-CHANGING CELEBRITIES, felt that he would find greater success by changing his name to Rodney Dangerfield.

But changing one’s name is not something to be taken lightly. Not when LORD JESUS CHRIST can be hit by a car (yes, he changed his name). That’s why you might want to check out the NAME CHANGE FORMS site for name change laws in different states.

Yes, Web Watch is pointing to a service that you may be able to handle yourself, but at least they offer a “one-stop shop” of all the state requirements that you should be aware of.

For example, in New Mexico you can change your name if you are over 14 years old. Wyoming requires two years of residency. And Tennesse says that you can’t change your name if you’ve been convicted of first or second degree murder.

See? It pays to be prepared.

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Mr. Dormouse’s Animated Album Covers and Rock Cats ROCK

web gangsta — Tue, 18 May 2010 23:00:21 +0000

Animusic – Animated Music Video

We all have those nifty MP3 audio programs, such as WINAMP or WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER that display funky animations on screen when the audio is playing.

And on our iPod / iPhone / Android devices, the music players will display the static album cover as artwork in order to give you something to look at while you’re scanning through your music library.

So why not put the two ideas together?

That’s what MR DORMOUSE did with his blog entitled ANIMATED ALBUMS, where he takes a classic rock album and animates the artwork.

Whether it be a Morrissey fiddling away on a violin, watching The Clash break the guitar on the cover of London Calling, or Nirvana’s flying statue on In Utero actually flying off the album cover - it’s all about bringing the album art cover to life in some manner.

It’s all very Terry Gilliam / Jib-Jab / Monty Python-esque.

But Mr Dormouse doesn’t stop with just Photoshoping record albums. He also Photoshops kittens into famous rock-and-roll photographs with his ROCK CATS blog. Look, there’s a cat with Paul McCartney! There’s a cat hiding underneath Courney Love’s dress!

See, it’s funny because it’s true!

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Just in time for Mother’s Day: the HUG-E-GRAM

web gangsta — Fri, 07 May 2010 23:00:39 +0000

Hug

Are you tired of trying to find your mother that perfect Mother’s Day gift?

Aren’t you sick and tired of always sending her the same old flowers and singing telegrams, thanking her for being your mother for all these years?

Why not send your mother what she really wants to have from you: A BIG GIANT HUG. The HUG “E-GRAM” is a set of stuffed arms that the recipient (your mom!) can wrap around themselves tightly, as if they were in the Best Hug In The World. Even better, they come in black, red, and salmon colors!

Imagine your mother or other loved one, sitting on the sofa with these fake arms draped around them, sending ocean waves of love and affection all over.

Let’s be sure to read the fine print together, shall we?

A Hug-E-Gram lets you give your hug to someone when you can’t be there
It is the hug that lasts.
You will understand how very special the moment can be as the love and sentiment from you comes through.
After you order, you may record a personalized audio message that will arrive with your Hug-E-Gram. You must follow the information given to you to record your message. If you do not record a message, our system will use our Hug-A-Round song
Hug-E-Grams are one-size-fits-all, but are not for children under 12.
Hug-E-Grams are hand-wash only

While HUG-E-GRAMS are good, they’re no replacement for MY THERAPY BUDDY. The two serve two completely different audiences.

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The History of the “High Five”

web gangsta — Thu, 06 May 2010 23:00:19 +0000

High Five

Everyone does it at some point.

It could be a brilliant idea at the office, a funny joke at someone’s expense, or celebrating a big play at your favorite sporting event.

It’s the HIGH FIVE.

But Web Watch got to wondering about THE ORIGINS OF THE HIGH FIVE. Where did it come from, and how did it become the ubiquitious guy-friendly celebratory method, suitable for both friends and strangers alike?

If it helps, the term “High Five” was recorded into the Oxford English Dictionary in 1980 as a noun (“give me a high-five”), and as a verb (“they high-fived”) in 1981. It seemed to have first been referred to by that name at the University of Louisville in 1979, even though the Los Angeles Dodgers were using an above-the-head hand-slap at least two years earlier, in 1977.

So it was inevitable that it would be most widely-used as a sports celebration, considering it was first used in a sporting situation. Web Watch is quite happy that the more recent variation - the high-five followed by the ass-slap, usually by the team’s coach – has not caught on with the general public.

For future reference, NATIONAL HIGH FIVE DAY takes place on the third Thursday of April every year. So while we may have missed this past one, you can put it onto your calendar now so that you’re prepared to slap everyone silly next year.

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Out of other options? Why not sell your soul to the devil? (Here’s how!)

web gangsta — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 23:00:26 +0000

Satan Loves You

It turns out that everything you could possible want to do online, is available nowadays.

The latest trend?

SELLING YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL, ONLINE.

Yes, it’s true – the Internet really has made getting things done more convenient. Before, you had to wait by the side of the road and playing a fiddle before the devil tracks you down to take a bet that you won’t regret. But now, selling your soul to the devil is just another online transaction.The official contract states the obvious legalese that’s required these days: you relinquish ownership of your immortal soul blah blah blah give to him the rights and privileges yadda yadda. And in return, you will possess substantial sums of money, fulfillment of all lusts, and destruction of all that opposes you — and as an added bonus, for every person you get damned and dead, you will live an additional two years and a day.

It’s all just boilerplate these days, you know the drill.

But it’s the OPTIONAL PACKAGES that really seal the deal:

A night of play and fantasy: allows for movie stars and fashion models to be used as playthings
Tickets to the annual international Black Mass and Satanic Orgy. Featuring you as a celebrity guest. Silk pillows and goblets of wine? Sounds like a kick-ass party!
Membership to the Secret Vatican Council
and much, much more…

There used to be a framed memento commemerating the sale of your soul available for $3, but the address seems to have been misplaced.

Oh well, we’re sure it will turn up eventually. After all, you have all of eternity to find it.

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Instants! Because everyone needs an awesome sound effects soundboard

web gangsta — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:00:15 +0000

Trombone

Because Web Watch knows how often you run into a situation where you just have to have instant access to a sound effects library, Web Watch is proud to point you to the INSTANTS! COLLECTION OF SOUND EFFECTS.

Just load up the page, and click the appropriate sound effect button for instant hilarity.New sound effects are added on a regular basis, so be sure to return often to see if your favorites are listed. We know that ours are!

Some of the dozens of available sound effects include:

Bazinga
Chan!
Doh!
Drumroll
Finish Him
Benny Hill
Bird is the Word
Evil Laugh
Excellent
Ha Ha!
Gong
The Wilhelm Scream

And the ever-popular Sad Trombone.

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Eating a double-cheeseburger at home is less expensive than buying the $1 version at McDonald’s

web gangsta — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 23:00:12 +0000

Double Cheeseburger

Web Watch has eaten many fast-food cheeseburgers over the years.

We’ve been to the standards – McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, Hardee’s – and have visited the occasional In-n-Out whenever possible.

But no matter how tasty and convenient for road trips the fast food burger can be, Web Watch will stand by our philosophy that nothing beats a good burger, done right at home.

Trent at The Simple Dollar agrees: he has done the analysis and concluded that IT IS CHEAPER TO BUY THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE DOUBLE-CHEESEBURGERS AT HOME THAN IT IS TO BUY THEM FOR $1 AT McDONALD’S.

Trent’s conclusion was based on taking the average person’s shopping list that would comprise a double-cheeseburger and determining how much was tied up in food cost. Trent figured that the meat, buns, pickles, ketchup, cheese, and mustard would run around $13.44 to make 16 double-cheeseburgers.

Buying them separately at the local McDonald’s would run around $17.12. A four dollar savings… plus, Trent figured he’d have some supplies left over, making the next round of burger shopping even less.

Ah, the power of buying in bulk.

However, soon after Trent made his amazing discovery that fast food may be (gasp) more expensive than eating at home, others began questioning his analysis. The flaws, they said, were that Trent wasn’t actually purchasing the food with actual prices in front of him; that Trent wasn’t taking into account the amount of time that buying fast food will save you versus cooking at home; that Trent had miscalculated the amount of product that the McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger was comprised of.

Trent did not take this criticism lightly, and thus proceeded to prove his analysis by TESTING THE VALUE MEAL THEORY OF FAST-FOOD CHEESEBURGERS vs HOME-MADE.

And what did Trent find out with this real-life proof?

That it was more time-efficient to make the burgers at home than it was to drive to the McDonald’s for the $1 value meal double-cheeseburger. And while his home-made burger cost him $1.83 compared to the $1 McDonald’s version, each subsequent burger would cost mere pennies to make.

His final statement? Don’t go eating fast food because it’s cheap – eat the fast food because it’s convenient to your needs at the immediate moment that you have to eat.

Don’t worry – even after Trent’s 2nd analysis, there were still naysayers complaining about Trent’s methodology being flawed, and that the McDonald’s Double-Cheeseburger is still the superior product.

Maybe it all has to do with the methods used to prepare the burger in the first place. What is your favorite home-made burger recipe, that you just can’t get anywhere else?

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“50 things that every person should learn in life” can be applied to reality TV

web gangsta — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 23:00:31 +0000

Esquire’s A Man’s Guide to Life: The Rules

Esquire’s book, A MAN’S GUIDE TO LIFE is just like THE MODERN MAN’S GUIDE TO LIFE or Denis Boyle‘s A MAN’S LIFE: THE COMPLETE INSTRUCTIONS - books filled with rules and helpful instructions to let any man prove that he is, in fact, A Man. Web Watch highly recommends offering any of these three books to graduating high school seniors (or even as bar mitzvah gifts, since that is when A Boy Becomes a Man).

But if you don’t have the time or foresight to obtain one of these three fabulous books before gift-giving season is upon us, you may still want to scroll through these 50 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN HOW TO DO, because these 50 items are good, practical advice for anyone – man or woman – no matter what their age.

And this especially holds true if you decide to c0mpete or appear on a reality TV show. Here are how some of those fifty items hold up:

Build a Fire. Because on Survivor, fire represents life. As long as you have fire, you’re still in the game.
Operate a Computer and Learn to Type. Because Rod Blagojevich lost Celebrity Apprentice specifically because he couldn’t.
Perform CPR. Save someone’s life, and they’ll be in your alliance forever
Drive a Manual Transmission Vehicle. You don’t want to be eliminated on THE AMAZING RACE because you couldn’t drive a stick shift.
Learn to cook. Cooking is easy. It’s gathering the food that’s hard. Besides, when Robert Irvine is yelling at you
Tell a Story that Captivates People’s Attention. Lord knows that’s the only way Coach survived as long as he did
Win or Avoid a Fistfight. It worked for Sookie, it can work for you
Deliver Bad News. You’re Fired.
Manage Time. Don’t all Food Network Challenges hosted by Chef Keegan come down to who managed their time better?
Travel Light. See THE AMAZING RACE, again
Swim. How many SURVIVOR challenges came down to who could compete in the swim portion of an immunity challenge better?
Recognize Personal Alcohol Limits. Again, see Sookie
Listen Carefully to Others Name a reality TV show where this ISN’T important?
Recite Basic Geography. Study up on Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Or, risk being mocked by THE AMAZING RACE musical cue when you wonder aloud if something is a city or a country.
Be a Respectful House Guest – Otherwise Julie Chen will have to “but first” you.
End a Date Politely Without Making Promises . Because The Bachelor and Paradise Hotel aren’t the only dating shows where potential suitors were rejected. There was FOX’s MR PERSONALITY as well

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Need another laugh for the day? Read John Lindsay’s “Emails from an Asshole”

web gangsta — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:00:39 +0000

Emails from an Asshole

Everybody needs a good laugh once in a while, even if the laugh ends up coming at someone else’s expense.

This is why Web Watch occasionally wanders over to EMAILS FROM AN ASSHOLE to take a gander on what John Lindsay has cooked up.

Yes, this is another blog-to-book deal, and just like the others, this one is pretty funny.

What John does is troll through classified ads, Craigslist, and other online listings, and contacts the posters with ever-increasingly inane email conversations.

There’s the guy who wants to collect only vintage alcohol. John offers him a “vintage” case of Natural Ice beer.
John offers to barter his wife in trade for a guy willing to trade his 1994 Jeep Wrangler for something of equal value
And the ever popular “you don’t need a sewer camera, you just need a midget to crawl through your pipes” response.

Oh yes, John is definitely an asshole. A funny asshole, but an asshole nonetheless.

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Find out how many miles your computer mouse travels in a day

web gangsta — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:00:40 +0000

If you’re like Web Watch, you’re constantly using your computer mouse to move that pointer around the screen all day long. (Actually, if you were like Web Watch, you’d long ago learned those useful keyboard shortcuts to keep you from having to use the mouse at all…but that’s another story for another day.)

Still, have you ever wondered HOW MANY MILES YOUR MOUSE MOVES OVER THE COURSE OF A DAY? Of course you have. One study even determined that the average computer mouse moves up to a mile in a single week.

And that’s why Web Watch is pointing you to WIN-O-METER, a free program you can run on your computer at startup. It will track not only how far your mouse moves in a day, but also how many right-clicks and keyboard typing you do in any given timeframe.

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