Not succeeding at online dating? Maybe you’re doing it wrong…


By web gangsta | Published:


Sex, Lies, and Online Dating
Sex, Lies, and Online Dating

Since WEB WATCH WROTE ABOUT WRITING THE PERFECT ONLINE DATING MESSAGE, Web Watch has spoken with many people who have tried the online dating game.

Some we have spoken with are quite pleased with the results, having married their online hookup just like they show you in those advertisements and infomercials.

Others use online matchmaking services as a supplemental pool to their traditional dating environs.  Their philosophy is that they will have a better chance of finding a compatible mate if they cast their dating net out far and wide and utilize all potential avenues.  Sure, there have been plenty of misses along the way in their online dating experiences, but there have been some good times as well.

And there’s the third group that hasn’t had much luck with their online dating experience for whatever reason.  

(An amusing side note:  one friend of Web Watch who had registered for an online dating service in the past continues to receive emails from that service, encouraging them to sign back up for another go-around.  One recent email happend to contain the dating profile of another one of Web Watch’s friends.  This seems like the perfect time to remind our Web Watch readers to always remember to check your dating profile privacy settings if you don’t want your profile emailed out to strangers that aren’t officially signed up to receive your profile from the service.)

If you fall into that last group of unsuccessful online daters, perhaps this is a case of “it’s not me, it’s you”, and you should take the time to REVIEW YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE FOR THESE “DON’T DO THIS” ONLINE DATING TIPS:

  • The screen name or profile has “princess” in it.  Really, this is email and profile name 101, and applies to online dating sites just like it does to the email address you put on your resume for that dream job you’ve always wanted.  
  • My favorite book is “insert weird or offensive choice here”.  You can never go wrong with pop culture-favorite titles by John Grisham or Michael Crichton. Heck, even a.a.milne or J.K. Rowling would work here.  Freakonomics or other mainstream non-fiction is good, too.  Just don’t go off the deep-end with your profile information.  And no, the “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition” is not considered a “book”.
  • Listing that you drink “daily” or do drugs “daily”.  Really.  If you feel the need to list “drugs” or “alcohol” as an activity, the “daily” is pretty much implied.
  • Putting that you “definitely” want kids.  It’s always a good idea to be upfront with a potential partner as to where you stand on children.  Heck, they may have some of their own that they haven’t mentioned yet.  But “definitely” is a bit of a buzzkill.  No need to emphasize it if you don’t have to.
  • It says on your profile that you created your own religion.  ’nuff said.
  • I’m 21 years old and I have 3 kids.  Hear that sound of tires squealing away from you?  That’s a hint.
  • Listing watching porn as a hobby.  Just like in the good porn, the use of euphemisms is encouraged.  Try saying that your hobbies include “surfing the Internet”, “online art critic”, or “Google SafeSearch Moderator”.  Try not to be too obvious until you know the potential daters a bit more.

But online dating profiles isn’t all that bad.  When done right, you can really go far in making a great first impression.

Here are some of the things that you should do to really MAKE YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE STAND OUT:

  • Use lots of pictures.  Good ones, with you smiling and having fun.  These will show off that you know how to have a good time.
  • Be funny.  Funny always works.  But don’t overdo the funny – too much funny won’t be able to carry throughout the entire first date, and you don’t want to scare them off by turning into That Guy (or Gal) Who Can’t Shut Up.
  • Spellcheck your damn profile.  You don’t want it to look like it was written by your third grade cousin