10 Things Music

The top reason to play guitar? “Enlightenment”. The top reason not to play guitar? ‘Cause you’re a girl

Guitar for Dummies
Guitar for Dummies

A few years ago, Web Watch learned how to play the guitar.  It was just a beat-up six-string that we picked up from a second-hand store.  We weren’t very good, but we struggled through.  Never really started rockin’, but at least we were trying.

What kept us going was the TEN REASONS TO PLAY GUITAR:

  1. Mating – because every chick loves themselves a guitar god
  2. Piss off Your Parents – especially when the amp stays cranked up to 11
  3. An Alternative to the Sporting Life – face it, for every football team, there has to be a marching band.  And how many guitar players do you know in the marching band?
  4. Improve Your Vocabulary – songwriting and musical arts. Finding words that rhyme.  You know, English class stuff
  5. Be the Life of the Party – because the party don’t start til you show up
  6. Form a Band and Join the Circus – sometimes they’re one and the same
  7. Head start on a Psychology or Management Degree – ditto
  8. Versatility – “if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball” applies to guitar players, too
  9. Slay Your Idols – just prove you’re better than they are
  10. Enlightenment – music is your life.  Learn it, live it, love it.

But not everybody feels the same way about guitar playing as others.  There are those who say that girls suck at playing guitar because of THE NATURAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GIRL GUITAR PLAYERS AND GUY GUITAR PLAYERS.   Maybe it’s because women guitarists are afraid to break a nail.  Or that female guitarists are never good lead guitar players.  Maybe it’s because guys pick up the guitar to get the ladies (see #1, above), and women pick up the guitar to actually learn how to play the guitar.  Or that women are naturally more confident and don’t need to strap on an axe to prove themselves.

Gender differences aside, if you take a good look at the real reasons someone decides to take up the guitar, be sure that they aren’t one of the FIVE STUPIDEST REASONS TO START PLAYING GUITAR:

  • You like how it looks on you
  • To get chicks
  • For the money
  • To be the fastest shredder
  • You’re really good at Guitar Hero

And it’s that last item about Guitar Hero wannabes ruining the guitar scene for the rest of us that leads Web Watch to our last point: the TOP FIVE REASONS YOU SHOULD PLAY A REAL GUITAR INSTEAD OF GUITAR HERO:

  • Playing a real guitar is cooler than playing a plastic toy
  • Beating a song on “expert level” doesn’t really get you anywhere in terms of actual skills
  • If you had bothered to use that same amount of time learning how to play a real instrument instead of a video game, you might actual be able to walk away with something
  • Cost of a real guitar and some basic training is about the same as a video game rock band setup
  • Just like sex – why pretend to do something with a toy when you can go out and try the real thing out in the real world?