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Six Degrees of Separation of John Mayer’s Junk

John Mayer

John Mayer’s genitals have gotten around.

And whether real or simply imagined — and for Web Watch’s sake, we’ll throw in that “alleged” is an appropriate word to cover the rest of this post — if you follow the old adage that once you have sex with one person, you have had sex with every other person your partner has had sex with… then John Mayer has had sex with a veritable crapload of people.

Let’s take a look at the alleged SIX DEGREES OF JOHN MAYER’S PENIS, according to GQ magazine.  First, we have to look at who John’s primary conquests were:Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, and Jennifer Aniston.

If you then extend each of those pairings with all of their partners, and their partner’s partners (and so on, and so on) — and you can follow all the individual pairings up on the linked graphic — each of these partner groupings can end up being classified into the following categories:

  • The DiCaprio/Maguire/Q-Tip/Blaine “Posse” Nebula
  • Ryan’s Belt
  • Alpha-Male Centauri
  • The Crabs Nebula
  • Manwhoredromeda Galaxy
  • The Clinton Global Initiative
  • Smarty-Pants-Less Zone
  • Nickelodeon Cluster
  • Tommy Lee’s Big Dipper

And if you follow some of the connections out to their ultimate endpoints, you’ll find some interesting entries, such as:

  • David Spade –> Way Too Many Attractive People
  • Kim Kardashian –> People who were famous for 10 minutes
  • Tiger Woods –> Anything that moves
  • Britney Spears –> That other guy she married
  • Fred Savage –> “Girlfriend in Canada”
  • Uma Thurman –> Mick Jagger…and other genuinely cool people
  • Lindsay Lohan –> The paparazzi
  • Bill Clinton –> a McDonald’s Big Mac

Yeah, you can spend hours looking at all the relationships that John Mayer finds himself (allegedly) in the middle of.   The question is, did they miss any?