Closing the barn door causes 1/5 of all injuries

Women will never understand the shrieks of pain that men felt while watching the FRANK AND BEANS, BEANS AND FRANKS scene in THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY.

For Ben Stiller, having to act as if his junk was caught in his zipper was probably just 10% acting, and 90% muscle memory from the last time it actually happened to him.

Instant Zipper
Instant Zipper

But who are men to blame for penile injuries?

It’s not like pants are going to be made with Velcro zippers anytime soon; and button-fly may be nice for jeans and other casual wear, but tend to not be appropriate for business suits.

Alas, the zipper down there is here to stay.

So why the fuss?  Because folks from the UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, DEPARTMENT OF UROLOGY conducted their own study of penis-related zipper injuries, and found out that they are much more common than we would normally be led to believe.

  • 1/5 — 20% — of all penile injuries are due to the zipper.  This is the largest, most frequent cause of injuries to that sensitive area.
  • According to the study, the penis was “almost always the only genital organ involved”.  Almost always? Makes one wonder what the outliers in this study were.
  • Over the course of eight years, there were 17,616 zipper-related injuries.  That’s over 2200 zipper accidents every year.