Wal-Mart predicts a surge in underpants and sock purchases this holiday season


By web gangsta | Published:

Always Wear Clean Underwear
Always Wear Clean Underwear

A while back, Web Watch wrote about the UNDERWEAR ECONOMIC INDEX, the theory being that people buy more underwear when they feel that the economy is doing well – and that people will make do with their existing underpants when the economy is doing poorly.

Based on that piece of stellar reporting, Web Watch is confident in saying that WAL-MART BELIEVES THE ECONOMY IS GROWING, as WAL-MART CEO BILL SIMON PREDICTS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON TO BE FILLED WITH UNDERWEAR AND SOCK PURCHASES for adults.

And really, isn’t “stockings hung by the chimney with care” a part of the holidays anyway?  In this case, they’re just going to be new ones rather than some socks that are tattered and torn.

But just so you know, Web Watch is aware that there are more economic indicators beyond watching the underwear aisle at the local Wal-Mart.  Here are some other UNUSUAL ECONOMIC INDICATORS that you may want to pay attention to in addition to the Undershorts Index:

  • The Hemline Index: the length of a woman’s skirt is directly correlated to the stock market. The higher the hemline, the higher the stocks.
  • The Long Distance Relationship Index: in a bad economy, couples may be forced to make decisions regarding where to take a job – often leading to more long distance relationships than you would have in a thriving local economy
  • The Lipstick Index: while a poor economy leads to a lack of new underwear purchases, a poor economy also leads women to buy more lipstick instead of more clothing. Lipstick and other cosmetics are an inexpensive confidence booster when times are lean
  • The Toothbrush Index: when the economy is down, people do everything to cut costs – such as going to the dentist.  So they will brush their teeth more often, leading to a spike in toothbrush sales
  • The HOT WAITRESS INDEX: Web Watch has written about the Hot Waitress Economic Index before.  No need to rehash it here.
  • The Marine Ad Index: Entering the armed forces is often seen as a way to have a career and earn some skills.  In a down economy, there are plenty of people interested in signing up – so an increase in military-related advertising goes with the territory.
  • The Appalachian Trail Hikers Index: Walking is cheap entertainment. And if you have the time to do it due to lack of available jobs, why not hike the Appalachian with all the other unemployed, cheap entertainment-seeking folks?