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How to smack talk your Fantasy Football League

Now that it’s officially the NFL (and college) Football Season, office workers and neighbors around the country have all finalized their Fantasy Football teams and are ready to begin the competition.

You’ve read Web Watch’s guide to picking the Ultimate Fantasy Football Team Name, so now it’s time to take your Fantasy Football League to the next level.

Fantasy Football for Smart People: How to Dominate Your Draft
Fantasy Football for Smart People: How to Dominate Your Draft

It’s time for you to learn how to properly LAY DOWN THE FANTASY FOOTBALL SMACK TALK with your opponents.

Overall, these should be some easy tasks for you.  But there may be some details that you may have just forgot in your excitement to pick the Ultimate Team.

But what’s the Ultimate Team without an Ultimate Insult or two?

  • Pick out the easy smack-talk targets.  Whiners.  Stupid friends.  That Guy Who Can’t Stop Talking About How Awesome Cam Newton is.
  • Be sure that you actually are winning when you lay down the smack talk.  There’s nothing worse than trying to throw out an insult to your buddy if they can just turn around and point to your 0-6 standings.
  • If you’re a girl playing with a bunch of guys, there’s really just one line that you can use and have it be fully effective:  “You just lost to a girl.”   And if you’re really dominating the rankings, you can add, “get used to it.”
  • Offer to use smaller words in your insults.
  • When looking for something to pick on, here are some options: their win-loss record, total fantasy points, or individual player stats.   In all cases, feel free to make up stats that your buddy won’t have time to cross-check.  Made up stats are always more fun to insult with than things that they can prove otherwise.