Are you too old to wear a belly button ring?

Are you still wearing your high school gym clothes in your office gym?

Hanging out in your fraternity or sorority sweatshirt while you sit around the Chuck E Cheese with the other parents at birthday parties?

Do you insist on wearing your 1992 Olympics t-shirt for anything fancier than taking out the trash at midnight when nobody can see you?

If so, you may have a CLOTHING AGE PROBLEM, where you’re unwilling to part with those cherised apparel memories of a well-spent youth.

White Scorpion Belly Button Piercing
Scorpion Belly Piercing

But there is a TIME AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING, INCLUDING CLOTHINGAt some point in your life, you have to just let go and let the younger kids carry on with their own poor fashion decisions.

Yes, Justin Bieber.  We’re TALKING TO YOU.  It’s probably about time for you to hang up your “SIGNATURE DROP-CROTCH HAREM PANTS” and put on something a bit more… age-appropriate.

According to a survey of 2000 women, they’ve decided that there are specific age limits for certain types of clothing and accessories:

  • Nobody older than mid-30’s should ever be caught wearing miniskirts (age 37), hot pants (age 35), or have belly button piercings (also 35 year old age limit)
  • Nobody should wear a crop top if they have stretch marks… or if they are currently pregnant, are married, or have children.  In other words, mothers should never wear crop tops.
  • Leggings are only for women who are younger than 37 years old.
  • Stiletto shoes should not be worn if you’re over 41 years old
  • Men should not wear football jerseys after they hit 25 years old

So what’s the oldest piece of clothing in your closet that you still make a point to wear on a regular basis… that you really shouldn’t be wearing any more?