Web Watch » Funny

My Fault, I’m Female – it’s like FML, but for women

web gangsta — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 23:00:48 +0000

I am Woman

Remember F***MY LIFE (aka “FML”) that Web Watch told you about last year?

That’s the website where people bitch and complain about how their life sucks more than yours, and everyone gets to vote on their favorite F-ups?

Apparently, that site wasn’t catering directly enough to women.

Some women wanted a more serene place to be than the rough-and-tumble world of FML.

So they created MY FAULT, I’M FEMALE to allow themselves a place to vent about all their women troubles.

MFIF is where you’ll find stories about glass ceilings and the old boy’s network at work; doctors, policemen, and other professionals dismissing a woman’s opinion as (wait for it…) “just a woman’s opinion”; and other misogynistic, pig-headed ways that women are treated unfairly while they try to go about their every day lives.

Now, before you go about saying “but there already is an FML site that’s perfectly fine and dandy, why do we need this one just for women”, we’ll just share their reasoning for the site here. It should be make perfect sense why MFIF is needed:

40 years after the Equal Pay Act in Britain, women still earn 17% less than men for full-time and 36% less for part-time work. This blog also seeks to expose sexism with accounts of discrimination, lack of respect for maternity rights, employers who don’t care about work-life balance, and disparity in pay.

We want to highlight what is still an entrenched problem in our workplaces, streets, and homes, while sharing stories on a non-judgmental platform.

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Audio Fun: Create your own Old Spice outgoing voicemail message

web gangsta — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 04:04:23 +0000

Old Spice Body Wash

If you have been enjoying the OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS that have been sweeping across the Internet this week that star Isaiah Mustafa recording personalized Old Spice-themed messages as responses to Twitter, Facebook, and other messages that have been sent his way, then perhaps you’d want to visit one of these sites to record some history for yourself.

THE OLD SPICE MAN VOICEMAIL GENERATOR or THE OLD SPICE VOICEMAIL GENERATOR FOR MEN OR WOMEN.

Just enter a number and select from the presented choices, and your personalized MP3 will be generated and made available for your download and use – finally allowing your unanswered phone to not smell like desperation anymore.

This Old Spice campaign is, by all accounts from those who follow these types of things, sheer brilliance in using social media to reach out to a new demographic who may not be interested in the seemingly old-skewing Old Spice brand. Kudos to the marketers for trying something new, and making it funny/worthwhile to follow along with.

How did they do it? You may want to check out one of these articles that can better explain the marketing genius behind this unique campaign:

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10 Epic Pop Culture Fails

web gangsta — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:00:31 +0000

How to Write Linkbait

10 Epic Pop Culture Fails is an example of a linkbait headline.

LINK BAIT IS A TERM USED BY INTERNET MARKETERS to indicate a type of writing that is used to generate interest in your subject matter. Basically, anything that you write that can get people blogging about what you’ve written, discussing it on forums, watching it on TV, buying your magazine, posting on social websites like del.icio.us — all can be categorized as “link bait”.

Tabloid newspapers and local TV news programs during sweeps week use link bait all the time with their sensational headlines and feature story teases — anything to keep the reader or news viewer to stay plugged in to catch the story is what they’re after… even if the final story really has nothing to do with what the tease headline originally was.

But writing creative and interesting story headlines can be difficult at times.

That’s where the LINK BAIT GENERATOR comes in to help out. If you’re looking for a sensational headline to tease an upcoming story, the Link Bait Generator can help you out. As an example, here are 10 free feature story ideas that Web Watch obtained from the Link Bait Generator:

15 must-see websites about healthcare reform
Is online privacy treated unfairly in the USA?
7 ways Batman could cure cancer
5 amazing things you probably didn’t know about Google
How to sound like Justin Bieber
Religion and the occult
10 reasons why Miley Cyrus is a genius
5 life lessons learned from killer robots
8 ways heroin could help you survive a zombie attack
9 reasons why Ron Paul resembles a crazy roman emperor

You see, it’s all about mixing and matching popular search phrases (like “ninjas”) with an assortment of adjectives and nouns. It’s your basic grammar and vocabulary 101 course.

So if you use the generator to create a catchy title for you, be sure to post what it is (and where you used it) in the comments below…

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Six Degrees of Separation of John Mayer’s Junk

web gangsta — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 23:00:23 +0000

John Mayer’s genitals have gotten around.

And whether real or simply imagined — and for Web Watch’s sake, we’ll throw in that “alleged” is an appropriate word to cover the rest of this post — if you follow the old adage that once you have sex with one person, you have had sex with every other person your partner has had sex with… then John Mayer has had sex with a veritable crapload of people.

Let’s take a look at the alleged SIX DEGREES OF JOHN MAYER’S PENIS, according to GQ magazine. First, we have to look at who John’s primary conquests were:Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, and Jennifer Aniston.

If you then extend each of those pairings with all of their partners, and their partner’s partners (and so on, and so on) — and you can follow all the individual pairings up on the linked graphic — each of these partner groupings can end up being classified into the following categories:

The DiCaprio/Maguire/Q-Tip/Blaine “Posse” Nebula
Ryan’s Belt
Alpha-Male Centauri
The Crabs Nebula
Manwhoredromeda Galaxy
The Clinton Global Initiative
Smarty-Pants-Less Zone
Nickelodeon Cluster
Tommy Lee’s Big Dipper

And if you follow some of the connections out to their ultimate endpoints, you’ll find some interesting entries, such as:

David Spade –> Way Too Many Attractive People
Kim Kardashian –> People who were famous for 10 minutes
Tiger Woods –> Anything that moves
Britney Spears –> That other guy she married
Fred Savage –> “Girlfriend in Canada”
Uma Thurman –> Mick Jagger…and other genuinely cool people
Lindsay Lohan –> The paparazzi
Bill Clinton –> a McDonald’s Big Mac

Yeah, you can spend hours looking at all the relationships that John Mayer finds himself (allegedly) in the middle of. The question is, did they miss any?

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How much money can a Youtube video earn when it goes viral? Let’s start at $150,000

web gangsta — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 23:00:28 +0000

Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack, with Steve Martin as “The Dentist”

One thing about YouTube that bothers Web Watch is the number of videos that parents film over their shoulder while driving their car down the road. Especially now as MORE AND MORE STATES — up to 29 as of this writing — ARE PASSING BANS ON TEXTING WHILE DRIVING more and more states are passing bans on texting while driving. For those Web Watch readers who were wondering, based on that link it looks like Ohio and Hawaii are the only two states with absolutely no laws on their books relating to driving while using a cell phone or texting.

It’s only a matter of time before DWV (driving while videoing) joins DWI and DWT as acronyms to avoid getting a ticket for.

But the threat of receiving a DWV violation may not deter enterprising, money-hungry folks from filming everything that happens to them and posting it on YouTube in the hopes that their video goes viral.

Today’s example is DAVID AFTER DENTIST.

David’s dad, David DeVore, did not plan on becoming an Internet sensation when he filmed his son’s loopy return from the dentist. He only meant to share the video privately with a select group of family and friends.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

But because YouTube limits the number of users who can view a privately-flagged video, Mr. DeVore decided to make the video publically-viewable so more family and friends could view and laugh along. Public videos on YouTube get passed around a bit, and once it was public, so they say, the rest was history.

The DAVID AFTER DENTIST video has racked up over 62,000,000 views as of this writing, qualifying it for “gone viral” status a while ago. One issue that some users have had with uploading videos to YouTube is that they never felt like they (the content producers) ever received compensation for their viral work — the only beneficiary was YouTube. But that changed in August 2009 when YOUTUBE ANNOUNCED PROFIT SHARING WITH VIRAL VIDEO PRODUCERS, splitting all ad revenue money with the account that had uploaded videos that became popular.

Mr DeVore and his son David, with their 62,000,000 views, are a beneficiary of YouTube’s policy change, with DAVID AFTER DENTIST EARNING OVER $150,000 in the 18 months that its been posted. And since popular YouTube videos have a tendency to stay popular for years, the DeVore’s should be seeing residuals come in for years to come.

HOW MUCH MONEY CAN A VIRAL VIDEO EARN? If the profit-sharing program is similar to the YouTube partner program, the following estimates have been made:

$2.50 to $5 per 1000 video views
If you have a YouTube channel for your video, you may receive $.05 per subscriber
The YouTube channel can make $.01 per channel view. (1 million views = $10,000)

Whether these figures hold for viral videos vs official YouTube partners is unclear.

But we can draw some conclusions based on what Mr DeVore has said about how much DAVID AFTER DENTIST has earned. In November 2009, just a few months after YouTube created their viral video profit sharing policy, DAVID AFTER DENTIST HAD EARNED $40,000 in advertising and merchandising sales. And if the DeVores have made another $100,000 in the past six months, they must be doing something right -- the video is only gaining in popularity compared to its first 6 months of existence.

The DeVores are not waiting for their 15 minutes of fame to be over, lest they be surpassed by some other dentist-related video. They received $8,000 to appear in a 2010 Super Bowl advertisement, they’ve signed a licensing deal for dentist-related medical scrubs, and are looking for other dentist-related opportunities as well. Mr. DeVore has focused so much effort into monetizing David’s video that he quit his real estate job -- for now, that seems to be paying off for them.

So what do you need to do to make a video go viral? Well, you CAN FOLLOW THESE TEN TIPS FOR MAKING A VIRAL VIDEO:

Get an average looking star or animal
Use a catchy title in your post
Look and talk directly into the camera
Originality is for losers
Use an eye-catching still in your video preview
Use jumpcuts for editing
Be sure to score the video with original audio
Keep it short. Less than 2 minutes is ideal
Ad lib, live is good. Don’t plan it.
Wrap it up

Or, if you want to try something a bit more serious, here are 7 TIPS FOR VIRAL VIDEO SUCCESS:

Not all viral videos are what they seem. Many are professional produced and promoted specifically to be made viral through blogger, Facebook, and forum postings. The whole idea is that it is very difficult for a video to go viral by itself -- it needs to be coaxed into virality
Watch your content: keep it short, keep it simple enough to be reused by others, don’t make it an obvious ad, give people a reason to keep viewing AND pass it along to others, etc
Give it a good, interesting title.
Use an interesting video thumbnail, and change the thumbnail on occasion
Use more than one YouTube account (or friends’ accounts) to post comments. Good conversation can encourage more views
Have more than one video in your account, as more videos will increase views over all of them
Use meaningful tags, preferably unique ones that no other YouTube video is using

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Can you name 7 ways to mess up a wedding? Surprisingly “inviting Adam Sandler” is not on the list

web gangsta — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:00:30 +0000

Adam Sandler – They’re All Going to Laugh At You

Web Watch has had some wonderful wedding memories:

There was the wedding at the bowling alley during the Stanley Cup playoffs
The wedding where the bride proudly proclaimed to everyone within hearing distance how she wasn’t going to consummate the marriage that night… and why.
Getting the entire wedding party to lick the ice sculpture as a photo opportunity for the official photographer…after pretty much all the other guests have already done the same thing.
That wedding where we had to arrive six hours early to clean the bathrooms at the reception hall

And then there was the wedding where the DJ was asked to play the first 20 seconds – and only the first 20 seconds – of this NSFW song during the reception:

Seriously, that was a wedding to remember. And all of the above — good friends, and good times all.

And no, we won’t mention the engagement party where the groom-to-be publically and graphically declared his love for his bride’s bosom. Because that was not a wedding, and therefore ineligible for this post.

Which brings us back to today’s topic: SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO TO SCREW UP SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING. We’ve already given you #8 on the list of “things not to do at a wedding” with the Adam Sandler thing — so remember, don’t do any of these things if you want to be invited back to the next soiree:

Telling an inappropriate story during the congratulatory video
Hitting the bride or groom in the face with a bag of rice
Being the drunk guy
Botching the best man speech. A wedding is not a bachelor party. (Again, see how Adam Sandler fits into this?)
Objecting
Bring a date that either hates or used to date the bride or groom
Trying to kiss the bride when you aren’t the groom

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10-year-old Boy Sets the Underpants World Record!

web gangsta — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 23:00:49 +0000

Men’s Underwear

When Jack Singer of Warwick, New York, wanted to celebrate his birthday in style, he did what any rational 10-year-old would do.

He asked his parents to help him set a world record.

And not just any world record.

Jack wanted to set the WORLD RECORD FOR WEARING THE MOST UNDERWEAR AT ONE TIME.

And he succeeded, putting on 215 pairs of tighty-whitey briefs (with his parents’ help, of course), breaking the old record of 200 pair.

While Jack was likely inspired by the MOST T-SHIRTS WORN AT ONE TIME record (notably set on more than one occasion by Matt McAllister, seen below)…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6tlw-oPDBM

…Jack is not the first to attempt the wearing the most pairs of underwear record. Here are some other video attempts for your underpants-viewing pleasure:

Gary Craig aka Gordie Pantsman

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EQuJI43tYY

Most pairs of underwear put on in 30 seconds

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VidHWpxA9E

Most pairs of underwear/panties worn on head at once

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Euk-mk7qcY

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The Universal Record Database: Documenting Life’s Greatest (and not so great) Accomplishments

web gangsta — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:00:33 +0000

Guinness World Records Video Game – Wii

Have you ever wanted to set a world record?

Sure, you’ve read through the GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS and contemplated what you could do for fame and infamy, whether there was any category of achievement or secret skill that you may have that would qualify for inclusion in the next edition.

And sadly, while there are thousands of possible records that are recognized as Official World Records, there are also those activities that deserve to be included in some sort of World Record Database – ANY database will do, especially when it’s something as mundane as seeing how long you could throw a ball around the apartment with your friends without letting it hit the ground.

Because until someone else comes along and does the same thing in your apartment, it’s still going to count as a world record.

If only there was some way to record and report these types of things without having to go through an official documenting body, such as Guinness.Well, now you can.

Thanks to the UNIVERSAL RECORDS DATABASE, anything you can do at a world-record level can be recorded and included for all to see and challenge to best.

Let’s take a look at some of the more popular and top-rated challenges listed in the URDB:

Most Consecutive Table Tennis Ball Bounces While on Knees and Dribbling a Basketball in Other Hand
Most Claps in 30 Seconds While Standing on One Leg
Longest Hand Coo
Most Catches While Juggling Four Bowling Pins
Most Animal Bracelets Worn on Wrist at Once
Most Giraffe Tattoos on a Shoulder
Fastest Time to Ball 10 Pairs of Socks
Most T-Shirts Put On in One Minute
Fastest Time to Take a Photo of One’s Son with an iPhone and Digitally Apply a Mustache to It
Longest Tongue Extension Past Lower Teeth
Most Toy Cars Fit Inside a Pair of Pants Worn by a 6-year-old
Fastest Time To Recite First 100 Digits Of Pi While Balancing One-Legged On A Balance Board, Manipulating A Basketball And Bouncing A Golf Ball On A Rubber Mallet
Most People Simultaneously Flossing with the Same Piece of Dental Floss

And these are just a small sampling of what already has been done.

As you can see, anything that you can think of can qualify as a New World Record. Until someone else comes along and breaks it, of course. But half the fun is trying, isn’t it?

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Today’s Fun Sites: Crap Our Kids Made vs Crap Our Kids Ruined

web gangsta — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 23:00:57 +0000

Harold and the Purple Crayon

If you have kids (or have friends that do), chances are that you have seen first-hand both the destruction that kids can do to practically anything of value in the home, as well as the “art” that the parents feel they need to hang on their office wall to share with their co-workers.

So today, Web Watch takes a look at these two sides of the child-rearing coin:

The good – WHAT OUR KIDS MADE
and the badly awesome – CRAP MY KIDS RUINED

First, let’s look at the inspirational site entitled WHAT OUR KIDS MADE. And be honest - if your child’s primary method of expressing themselves with art is an 8-color box of Crayola crayons and a My Little Pony coloring book, chances are that your kids really don’t have any artistic talent in them.

Still, those same parents proudly tack those handmade drawings up on the refrigerator or on their office cubicle walls to share with all visitors, as if to say “look at my child, the budding Picasso”. WHAT OUR KIDS MADE just takes that sharing one step further, and turns the entire Internet into a giant refrigerator for parents to post their child’s artwork.

Yes, 99% of those drawing really aren’t any good – but once in a while you’ll find something insprirational or amusing – those items that you won’t just throw away after the week’s kitchen art exhibit is over, but will store away in order to bring out as a part of some engagement party slide show in order to induce “Awwwwws” from the audience.

Yes, those are the moments when you should be happy to be a parent.

Which brings us to Web Watch’s second site of the day: CRAP MY KIDS RUINED. Which is exactly what it sounds like.

From pictures of broken cellphones, written-on walls, to a ruined $180,000 Porsche, the site bills itself as “The Strongest Visual Birth Control on the Market Today”. Yes, those of you without kids will laugh at others’ misfortune. Those with kids will be able to commiserate with each other…until something tragic happens in your own home. This site serves as a reminder that you should always take pictures of your prized possessions before the kids arrive — mainly for insurance claim reasons — but also because your stuff won’t look the same after the kids are through.

Remember Web Watch’s HOW TO PREPARE FOR PARENTHOOD list? We’ll just remind you of item #4:

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Not so funny now that it’s actually happened to you, is it? Don’t worry – it will be. Just be sure to take that picture and post it on CRAP MY KIDS RUINED for the rest of us.

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How to Train your Bird to Talk

web gangsta — Thu, 20 May 2010 23:00:55 +0000

The Farmer Says

Animals can say the darndest things.

Here are some videos that prove just that.

THE CHICKEN SONG

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtJLVy6uymk

LOKI THE PARROT CUSSES

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM4psg9QOnk

Another cursing parrot

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsHPE6uYWCo

So now that we’ve seen some parrots do some talking, it’s time to take a look at some of the things that you should do to TRAIN YOUR BIRD TO TALK.

Start by repeating simple words over and over.
Speak with emphasis and enthusiasm, perhaps in a sing-song or lyrical way that mimics a bird-like sound.
Repetition is good. Try to associate specific phrases with specific actions

And remember, it’s not just birds that can talk. Check out this talking dog:

MISHKA THE TALKING HUSKY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkaRM

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Video Fun: YouTube’s automatic closed captioning goes bad

web gangsta — Sun, 16 May 2010 23:00:51 +0000

Closed Captioning Decoder

Web Watch knows that automatic transcription of speech-to-text for closed captioning still has a ways to go.

A lot has to do with the quality of the source audio material. And if you have poor source audio, the chances are pretty good that the transcribed closed captioning will be off more than just a little bit.

So why not check out this 1950′s educational film, where a young girl asks her mother and sister about getting one’s first period. As it is an old film, you can tell that the audio sounds now as it probably did in the school room back then.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHZEOweeoaE

Now click through to YouTube and turn on Closed Captioning, and watch it again.

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Just in time for Mother’s Day: the HUG-E-GRAM

web gangsta — Fri, 07 May 2010 23:00:39 +0000

Hug

Are you tired of trying to find your mother that perfect Mother’s Day gift?

Aren’t you sick and tired of always sending her the same old flowers and singing telegrams, thanking her for being your mother for all these years?

Why not send your mother what she really wants to have from you: A BIG GIANT HUG. The HUG “E-GRAM” is a set of stuffed arms that the recipient (your mom!) can wrap around themselves tightly, as if they were in the Best Hug In The World. Even better, they come in black, red, and salmon colors!

Imagine your mother or other loved one, sitting on the sofa with these fake arms draped around them, sending ocean waves of love and affection all over.

Let’s be sure to read the fine print together, shall we?

A Hug-E-Gram lets you give your hug to someone when you can’t be there
It is the hug that lasts.
You will understand how very special the moment can be as the love and sentiment from you comes through.
After you order, you may record a personalized audio message that will arrive with your Hug-E-Gram. You must follow the information given to you to record your message. If you do not record a message, our system will use our Hug-A-Round song
Hug-E-Grams are one-size-fits-all, but are not for children under 12.
Hug-E-Grams are hand-wash only

While HUG-E-GRAMS are good, they’re no replacement for MY THERAPY BUDDY. The two serve two completely different audiences.

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Introducing “The Penazzle” (Vajazzling has officially jumped the shark)

web gangsta — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:00:34 +0000

Nads for Men

Remember a few months ago when WEB WATCH WROTE ABOUT HOW TO VAJAZZLE YOUR VAJAYJAY?

Seems like since we wrote that article and Jennifer Love Hewitt continued to brag about her own vajazzle experience, a lot of women have since taken the step to make themselves prettier down there with a few extra crystals and glue – some have even resorting to using stick-on earrings.

It’s become a business unto itself to the point where an enterprising web developer even came up with their own voting website called RATE MY VAJAZZLE. Web Watch shouldn’t have to tell you that this site qualifies 100% as NSFW.

And as vajazzling has become more mainstream, comedians have started to joke more often about the vajazzle trend with such bits as THE TOP TEN REASONS TO VAJAZZLE YOUR HOOCHIE, including:

You want to disguise your crotch acne, and those pesky ingrowns need to be covered.
Because this is the only bling you can talk him into buying you.
Vajazzling is mom’s best friend. You want to dress your vag for the video of birth of your baby. Covers c-section scars too!
It’s been so long since you had sex, your vajayjay is hungry for ice cream on Saturday nights, too.
You like to go against current trends..

However with all that attention so fast, it seems that vajazzling has officially jumped the shark.

What started out as a cute lark for young college coeds to decorate their bodies in fun and interesting ways has transcended into other – and dare we say – darker and more unlikely places.

That’s right – we’re talking about men wanting to join the vajazzle craze and want to do THE PENAZZLE.

Yes, we’re talking about men affixing rhinestone studs to their units. One would think that the manly way to do it would be with a hot glue gun, soldering iron, arc welder, or a good old-fashioned staple gun. But no – just a tiny dab of Elmer’s glue and a tweezer to delicately afix the colored crystals to the package is all that’s done.

Why couldn’t men leave well enough alone and let the women have something all to themselves that they could call their own? Men had to insist on doing everything that women could do, and turning it into something that’s completely unnecessary. Next thing you know, men will want to start wanting to cuddle after sex, or just spend the night talking instead of watching the ball game.

If it matters, readers of COSMOPOLITAN magazine agree with Web Watch. In a recent poll, only 12% of the readers surveyed said that they thought the penazzle was sexy, while 25% thought it was unusual but didn’t have an opinion one way or the other. It was the overwhelming majority of 61% that said they wouldn’t give their man any attention until those penazzled crystals were scrubbed off.

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Out of other options? Why not sell your soul to the devil? (Here’s how!)

web gangsta — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 23:00:26 +0000

Satan Loves You

It turns out that everything you could possible want to do online, is available nowadays.

The latest trend?

SELLING YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL, ONLINE.

Yes, it’s true – the Internet really has made getting things done more convenient. Before, you had to wait by the side of the road and playing a fiddle before the devil tracks you down to take a bet that you won’t regret. But now, selling your soul to the devil is just another online transaction.The official contract states the obvious legalese that’s required these days: you relinquish ownership of your immortal soul blah blah blah give to him the rights and privileges yadda yadda. And in return, you will possess substantial sums of money, fulfillment of all lusts, and destruction of all that opposes you — and as an added bonus, for every person you get damned and dead, you will live an additional two years and a day.

It’s all just boilerplate these days, you know the drill.

But it’s the OPTIONAL PACKAGES that really seal the deal:

A night of play and fantasy: allows for movie stars and fashion models to be used as playthings
Tickets to the annual international Black Mass and Satanic Orgy. Featuring you as a celebrity guest. Silk pillows and goblets of wine? Sounds like a kick-ass party!
Membership to the Secret Vatican Council
and much, much more…

There used to be a framed memento commemerating the sale of your soul available for $3, but the address seems to have been misplaced.

Oh well, we’re sure it will turn up eventually. After all, you have all of eternity to find it.

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Instants! Because everyone needs an awesome sound effects soundboard

web gangsta — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:00:15 +0000

Trombone

Because Web Watch knows how often you run into a situation where you just have to have instant access to a sound effects library, Web Watch is proud to point you to the INSTANTS! COLLECTION OF SOUND EFFECTS.

Just load up the page, and click the appropriate sound effect button for instant hilarity.New sound effects are added on a regular basis, so be sure to return often to see if your favorites are listed. We know that ours are!

Some of the dozens of available sound effects include:

Bazinga
Chan!
Doh!
Drumroll
Finish Him
Benny Hill
Bird is the Word
Evil Laugh
Excellent
Ha Ha!
Gong
The Wilhelm Scream

And the ever-popular Sad Trombone.

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Want to read the best paragraph ever written for a CNN news story? (Hint: it’s about STDs)

web gangsta — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 23:00:38 +0000

Stuffed Herpes Toy

Web Watch was reading a CNN article the other day that shows how important it is to (a) have a good, gripping headline to draw a reader into a story; and (b) a phenomenal opening paragraph that lays out exactly what the story is about.

These are two rules that every aspiring news reporter should try to follow with every story that they file.

Case in point, the CNN article in question: THE DOWNSIDE OF “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS”.Note the use of the pop culture phrase “friends with benefits”, used to draw attention to the story. Interested readers already know what the article is going to be about.

Throwing “the downside” into the title adds that extra bit of intrigue. “Downside?”, you ask. “How can there possible be a downside about ‘friends with benefits’?”

So we click and read on, to what has to be the best opening paragraph ever written for CNN:

“When Jennifer Nicholas sees television shows or movies where characters “hook up” or have sex with “friends with benefits,” she cringes, because that’s how she got herpes.”

Web Watch would like to point out that we are sympathetic to Ms Nicholas’ plight. We are not making fun of her situation one bit. It’s the writing, the exposition of the story that we’re looking at.

Beyond the writing — more importantly– it’s the narrative voice in our head that knows exactly where to put the inflection and pauses when reading the last part of the sentence. To us, it sounds like one of those late night infomercials that SNL is always parodying. Perhaps as read by John O’Hurley of FAMILY FEUD and J.PETERMAN fame.

Kidding aside, the article does go on to include some helpful statistics about the spread of STDs and what the chances are that you can get an STD from your partner. According to the CDC:

The most common sexually transmitted disease in the US is HPV (or human papillomavirus). About 25% of women age 14 to 59 has HPV. Of those with HPV, it was most common in women between the ages 20-24. Men were less likely to have HPV, clocking in at around 20% of those surveyed.
Almost 20% of Americans have herpes simplex. It is more common in women than in men.
At the lower end of the percentage scale (around 1%) is gonorrhea — and teens are the ones most likely to get it
Nearly half of all those surveyed who had gonorrhea also had chlamydia. 2.2% of Americans between 14-39 had chlamydia. In the chlamydia survey, cases were most prevalent for teenage girls.

See what a quality opening paragraph in a news story can do? If it can lead you into the story itself, maybe you’ll learn something else along the way.

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Need another laugh for the day? Read John Lindsay’s “Emails from an Asshole”

web gangsta — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:00:39 +0000

Emails from an Asshole

Everybody needs a good laugh once in a while, even if the laugh ends up coming at someone else’s expense.

This is why Web Watch occasionally wanders over to EMAILS FROM AN ASSHOLE to take a gander on what John Lindsay has cooked up.

Yes, this is another blog-to-book deal, and just like the others, this one is pretty funny.

What John does is troll through classified ads, Craigslist, and other online listings, and contacts the posters with ever-increasingly inane email conversations.

There’s the guy who wants to collect only vintage alcohol. John offers him a “vintage” case of Natural Ice beer.
John offers to barter his wife in trade for a guy willing to trade his 1994 Jeep Wrangler for something of equal value
And the ever popular “you don’t need a sewer camera, you just need a midget to crawl through your pipes” response.

Oh yes, John is definitely an asshole. A funny asshole, but an asshole nonetheless.

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The WOOT BAG OF CRAP (aka Bandolier of Carrots) is here!

web gangsta — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 23:00:29 +0000

Woot Off Lights

Web Watch likes bargains, and sometimes you end up getting what you pay for.

Take online shopping site WOOT.COM, for example. For those of you who don’t know, woot.com is an online clearinghouse of discount, discontinued, overstock, and occasional new product introductions. The catch is that woot.com only sells one item a day – and once they’re sold out, they’re gone. The bonus – no matter what you buy from woot, shipping is only $5.

So, on occasion when woot is selling phenomenal stuff, like the TIVO SERIES 3 HD DVR (which normally retails for around $400 new) at a woot-tastic price of $169 for a freshly refurbished model – they can sell out relatively quickly, even when users are limited to buying at most three of each sale item.

Then there are the other occasions when woot is selling inexpensive camera tripods for $1 each, and they do everything in their power to get rid of them as fast as possible and still not succeed in putting a dent in the woot inventory before the day is through.

And that latter situation is what brings us to the famous woot-off, because woot needs to do something with the inventory that even they can’t sell.

A woot-off is when woot goes crazy in trying to sell as much of their excess inventory as possible, as quickly as possible. Unlike a normal woot sales cycle, where woot sells just one product a day, during a woot-off woot will put a new product up for sale as soon as the previous product has met its sale goal.

A woot-off could last just a few hours, or all day long. Nobody ever knows how long the woot-off will run, or what other pleasant surprises could be just around the corner if another 10 people buy a few more of those $1 camera tripods to empty the inventory.

The holy grail of a woot-off is the infamous woot BAG OF CRAP. They’ll usually only appear once during a woot-off, and they are extremely limited. It’s your basic mystery grab-bag, priced at just $3 (plus $5 shipping). You never know what you’re going to get in your BAG OF CRAP, but you’re often guaranteed to get at least three items that are worth at least the $3 you spent to get it.

Web Watch was able to grab the elusive Bag of Crap on our very first try. Woot! indeed.

The question is, what did we get in our woot Bag of Crap, and was it worth it? Every Bag of Crap is different, but let’s take a look at what we got:

A High School Musical Decal Wall Clock
Two sets of Sansa earhones, perfect for iPod or MP3 players. One set new in plastic wrap, the other set damaged with missing ear foam and exposed wiring.
A Unisonic dual-pack of calculators (retail value, about $3)
A black nylon and shiny black plastic travel bag, with bright gold accents. Perfect for the gym or an overnight trip. Why a bag? Because every Bag of Crap comes with a bag of some sort – hence the name.
An exclusive woot.com “Bandolier of Carrots” t-shirt, size L.

Not a bad haul for $3 plus shipping, we say. Other Bags of Crap have been reported to contain new MP3 players or other electronics, screaming monkeys, and other interesting stuff. It’s always going to be worth the mystery – as sometimes woot will “award” a lucky Bag of Crap recipient with a 65″ wide-screen LCD televisions or pallets of toys. Items like these won’t be shipped as part of the standard Bag of Crap shipment, but would come with a special “Letter” from woot indicating that you’re going to be receiving more stuff. The famed television delivery aside, as an example of what you might get - one lucky person received 42 coffee makers over the course of a week.

We know you’re asking – why a “Bandolier of Carrots” t-shirt? Because woot’s discussion forums don’t allow the word “crap” to be displayed, woot-ites have taken to calling “Bags of Crap” by anything else that uses “B.O.C.” initials. Some of the more commonly-used ones are:

Bananas or Cherries
Bandolier of Carrots
Banjo of Consternation
Baiting Other Consumers
Berries of Constipation
Blinged out Cabbage
Box of Chocolates
Box of Cigars
Box of Crayons
Bride o’ Chuckie
Bushels of Cooties

But really, anything B-o-C related will work.

Woot also has wine.woot.com for wine and gourmet-food related items (limited shipping area for alcohol, unfortunately), and some other specific sites. Be sure to check woot.com every day for awesomeness and try to score that Bag of Crap on its next go-around.

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Video Fun: Love is a Battlefield, the literal music video version

web gangsta — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 23:00:33 +0000

Flip Video Camera

It’s been a while since Web Watch last visited the LITERAL MUSIC VIDEO genre.

Trust us, after you watch LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD at the 3:19 mark, you’ll want to go out and dub up your own.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsZ-BMKVbSc

Sing it with us: “knee kick, knee kick (one two three and….) boobie shake, boobie shake, boobie shake, boobie shake (tae bo, tae bo, tae bo, tae bo)”

Men Without Hats: Safety Dance

www.youtube.com/watch?v=p023YD3DDPg

Eurythmics: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IcneD9y5tw

Meatloaf: I’ll Do Anything for Love

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTPko-aXvJM

The Monkees: Daydream Believer

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nViC0K-zifk

Starship: We Built This City

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaNSgkEH1po

David Hasselhoff: Hooked on a Feeling

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztHAcNbHKF0

Barenaked Ladies: One Week

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E81lkSorS4

Still have this going through your head?
“Stick ‘em up (play the air guitar) Stick ‘em up (play the air guitar)”

Yeah, we thought so.

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Winnie The Pooh gets the ALIEN treatment, and Tigger finds out what Tiggers do best

web gangsta — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:00:50 +0000

The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh

Winnie The Pooh and his pals have had many adventures over the years, and even though Pooh gets top billing most of the time, Web Watch knows that Tigger is the real star of the show.

Others seem to appreciate the timeless Pooh and Tigger stories as well, and every occasionally we will run across some Tigger and Pooh fan fiction – you know, those fan-created stories featuring their favorite characters. Heck, in 2000, the Canadian Medical Association published their own fan fiction featuring the characters in the 100-Acre Wood entitled PATHOLOGY IN THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD: A NEURODEVELOPENTAL PERSPECTIVE ON A.A. MILNE that the Pooh characters suffered from various mental and psychological illnesses:

Winnie the Pooh has ADHD and OCD, has very little brain, and suffers from obesity and binge eating
Piglet has a generalized anxiety disorder
Eeyore has dysthymic disorder, housing problems, and suffers from a traumatic tail amputation
Rabbit, it should come as no surprise, is narcissistic
Tigger also suffers from ADHD and hyperactive-impulsive tendencies
Kanga and Roo have to deal with Kanga being a single, unemployed parent while Roo hangs out with a bunch of undesirables – like Tigger

But if we’re going to talk about quality fan fiction in the Pooh universe, we can’t ignore works that go to the trouble of including artwork inspired by the original drawings.

Which brings us to ALIEN vs POOH, a mashup story that asks the question, “what would the Pooh stories be like if the Alien also hung out in the Hundred Acre Wood?”.

All Web Watch can say is that any story that has Tigger wearing an hydraulic exoskeleton is a story worth reading. Now, if only Disney had made this into a film instead of bringing us Lumpy the Heffalump – that would have been some Disney merchandise worth getting!

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Video Fun: “TWITTER, The Criterion Collection” asks users to recreate their favorite tweets, visually

web gangsta — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 22:00:46 +0000

This is what happens when you take creative people and ask them to create a short video piece based on some other person’s recent Twitter posting.

Presenting: TWITTER: THE CRITERION COLLECTION

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National PI Day, you say? Today is for celebrating something else entirely (nudge nudge, wink wink)

web gangsta — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:00:50 +0000

Web Watch has already spoken about why March 14th should be NATIONAL PIE DAY instead of NATIONAL PI DAY.

It’s that whole “3/14″ thing again, and who doesn’t like pie?

But seriously – we know what we’re REALLY going to CELEBRATE TONIGHT, right? Just checking….

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Our Wrestling Name is “Prince Kingpin”. What’s Yours?

web gangsta — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:00:55 +0000

If only changing our name was this easy.

Being a casual wrestling fan, Web Watch knows how important it is to have an awesome-sounding Professional Wrestler Name.

So now we know, thanks to the PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER NAME GENERATOR that our professional wrestler name is “Prince Kingpin”. If Web Watch were fighting as a wrestling diva, our name would be “Curvy Val”. Don’t think that’s going to happen.

The nice thing about this generator versus other name generators out there is that the creators have added some additional responses if you’ve tried to get the professional wrestler name for various celebrities. Take these, for example:

Donald Trump = “You’re Fired”
U2′s Bono = “Bono Sucks”
Jimmy Carter = “Farmer Peanut”
Clint Eastwood = “Dirty Harry” (okay, that one was a little obvious)

How many more funny pre-determined names can you come up with?

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Justin Bieber wants you to check out his bowl cut!

web gangsta — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:00:55 +0000

Web Watch knows that our Web Watch readers have tons of embarrassing photos of themselves from when they were younger and lacked any sort of fashion sense or humility.

Didn’t everyone have that plaid pants/white belt combo? Yeah, thought so… we think it was required dress code for the under-8 set.

But think about your parents, trying to save a buck or two by doing basic haircuts at home instead of taking the kids to Supercuts or Great Clips or the local mall salon that charges you $20 just to ask the receptionist a question.

And that’s where the classic bowl cut haircut comes in. And where there are bad haircuts, there have to be photos. And when there are photos, there’s a photoblog waiting to jump into the action.

So take the time to upload your most embarrassingly bad hair cut photo to CHECK OUT MY BOWL CUT, and join the ranks of Justin Bieber and other folks that are having really bad hair days

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Video Fun: The Luckiest People Alive

web gangsta — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 00:00:08 +0000

Feeling lucky? These people are….

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEZS25rKPDI

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKcFPnS9r8Y

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytrVeNZwxAY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrxI9bV9yxY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uRpVGkVhVI

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ3VoWOWQn0

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