How To Websites

The Best Way to Mail a Love Letter

If you are a true romantic, try having your valentines mailed via  WITH LOVE FROM LOVELAND, a service located in Loveland, Colorado, located 30 miles northeast of Boulder.  When the letters are remailed, they’ll be sent from the “sweetheart city” of the United States.

The Loveland Valentine Remailing Program started in 1947. It handles 300,000 valentines every year, going to all 50 states and 104 foreign countries. If you would like to have your valentine card stamped with the official Loveland Colorado cache and stamp:

  • place your valentines in pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes (envelopes should each have 42-cent postage; postcards should have appropriate postage)
  • add extra stamps/postage for heavier/odd shaped valentines
  • mail everything in a large stamped envelope to:Postmaster
    Valentine Re-mailing
    446 E. 29th St.
    Loveland, CO 80538

Deadlines for delivery by Valentines Day, Feb. 14:

  • For international destinations, you cards should be in Loveland by Feb. 3.
  • For within U.S. and outside of Colorado, your cards should be in Loveland by Feb. 8.
  • For within the state of Colorado, your cards should be in Loveland by Feb. 12.

POLL: Men’s Attitudes on Women, Sex

From the UPI wire on December 12, 1994.

Men polled on attitudes about women, sex

NEW YORK, Dec. 12 (UPI) — A majority of young men think women are oversensitive about sexual harassment in the workplace and would have sex with a minor if they could get away with it, according to a poll released Monday.

Glamour magazine surveyed 1,000 men in their 20’s and 30’s a number of questions on sex, relationships, morality and personal appearance.

The findings:

  • Today’s young men prefer voluptuous to model-thin.  69% said they were more likely to fantasize about Guess? model Anna Nicole Smith vs. 27% who prefered super-waif Kate Moss.
  • If stranded on a desert island, 67% would rather be stranded with a Playboy Playmate instead of with an Outward Bound instructor.
  • More than 50% responded that they would choose to marry a woman who was 20 years older than they were over a woman who was 20 pounds heavier than they were.
  • 71% felt that women see themselves too much as victims.  56% thought women were over-sensitive about sexual harassment in the workplace.
  • Regarding morality, 54% told interviewers that they would sleep with a beautiful and willing 15-year-old and 55% said they would have sex with their mates’ female friends if no one would find about it.  If their best friend raped a stranger, 47% said they would turn him in.
  • Regarding personal appearance, 55% would encourage their wives or girlfriends to get breast implants if the surgery were painless, safe and free. On the other hand, only 33% of men would get pectoral impants under the same circumstances.
  • Regarding their own sexuality, 36% think they are better than other men in bed. 24% put themselves in the top 10 percent, while 29% said they were just average.  When asked if “size really matters”, the answer from most men was yes: 62% told pollsters that being well-endowed was much more important to them than being tall.
  • And finally – 58% admitted they have had sex with a woman they actively disliked.
Funny News Websites

Does Santa Exist? The Physics of Santa Claus

Scientists have decided to prove conclusively whether SANTA CLAUS CAN PHYSICALLY EXIST or not, based on proven scientific method.

You will have to visit the site to see how they handled their calculations, but they figured out approximately how many homes Santa has to visit in a given evening (91.8 million), the number of total hours Santa has to work with due to the earth’s rotation (31 hours), giving us the total number of house visits that Santa would need to make per second (822.4).

Of course, they’ve also determined that Santa would need 214,200 flying reindeer, not the Super Original Eight Reindeer (let’s face it – Rudolph never was able to pull his own weight, he was mere decoration at the front of the hood).

The scientiest final conclusion is not a pretty one, after they added up all the math and determined the “best case” scenarios — all documented, of course.  But you’ll have to click over there to see what they came up with.

10 Things Funny How To

How to Prepare for Parenthood

How to Prepare for Parenthood

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are some simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

  1. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.

    Men: To prepare for paternity, go to the local pharmacy, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their bank account. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

  2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run around crazy and unsupervised. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it – it’ll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
  3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3am. As you can’t get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
  4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
  5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this – all morning.
  6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas ornament. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Puffs and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified to be a Home Room Parent.
  7. Forget the Porsche and buy a minivan. And don’t think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of animal crackers. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.
  8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty
    tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you’ve had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
  9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
  10. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
  11. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
  12. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
  13. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
  14. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child… a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.
  15. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby.
  16. Learn the names of every character from Barney, Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, and the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. When you find yourself singing Barney’s “I Love You” song at work, you finally qualify as a parent.
10 Things

Wedding Statistics

From a list of statistics in the September 1993 issue of Glamour Magazine…

  1. Most marriages occur in June. The least number of marriages occur in January.
  2. If you are 18 and over, you have a 64% chance of marrying.
  3. Men are 37% more likely than women to remain single – at least until age 55.
  4. If you are a professional woman, you have a 55% chance you will find love in your office. And, love that starts at work tends to last longer than romance that originates in a single’s bar or health club.
  5. Men and women’s peak years for marrying are between 25 and 29. In second place for women: the years 20 to 24. In second place for men: 30 to 34.
  6. Women have a 33% chance of marrying a younger man. This is considerably higher than ten years ago.
  7. The chances of a marriage enduring forever are slim. Median duration of a marriage in the U.S. is 7 years.
  8. Marriage after divorce?: Women have a 78% chance of remarrying, while men have an 83% chance. 7% of women will remarry within 1 year, 35.7% within 3 years, and 49.4% within 5 years.
  9. Women whose parents are divorced have 50% more likely to divorce than women whose parents stayed together. For men, there is a 23% greater likelihood.
  10. Premarital cohabitation increases the chance of divorce by 80%. Some sociologists say this means that couples who lived together may not feel as “bound” by their vows.
  11. People who marry at 24 are more likely to divorce than those who marry at 34. The divorce rate is particularly high for men and women who marry in their twenties, and declines steadily thereafter.
  12. Your chances of marrying someone from another race are less than 1 in 50.
  13. Only 6% of divorced women collect alimony.
  14. In this age of AIDS, single women between 18 and 44 are sexually more active.
  15. The immune systems of married women function better than those of unmarried women thereby lowering the risk of AIDS. Happy marriages produce even healthier immune systems.
  16. 85% of divorced or separated women say they are happy with their single status, while only 58% of the men are happy with theirs.
  17. Women who are romance novel addicts have sex 74% more often than women who read less stimulating material.
  18. American made condoms have a 12% failure rate while foreign models have a 21% rupture rate.
  19. 50% of single women approve of premarital sex.
  20. Only 12% of women who are able to become pregnant are using no contraception.
10 Things

Wedding Trivia

  • For the year of 1994, more than 10 percent of the expected 2.4 million weddings in the U.S. will take place in June. The month’s popularity for weddings dates back to ancient Rome, which worshiped Juno, the patroness of
  • women and protector of marriages. These days though, slightly more weddings occur in August.
  • Size of the U.S. bridal market: $35 billion.
  • Average total spending for a formal wedding: $17,470.
  • Bride’s gown: $850. Groom’s tuxedo (rental): $110. Honeymoon: $3,142.
  • Average number of stores a couple will visit before they decide on an engagement ring: 4.6.
  • Average age in 1955 of a couple marrying for the first time: 21.
  • Average age today of a couple wedding for the first time: 26.
  • Americans who characterize their marriage as “happy”: 97%.
  • Chances a wedding is not the first for either the bride or groom: 1 in 3.
  • Average length of a marriage ending in divorce: 7.1 years.
  • Average length 20 years ago: 6.6 years.
  • Estimated number of marriage and family therapists in the U.S.: 50,000.
  • Increase in the number of therapists in the last decade: 50%.
  • Marriages per week in Las Vegas: 1,700.
  • Marriages in Las Vegas as a percentage of all American weddings: 4%.
  • Average duration of nuptial ceremony at Las Vegas’s ‘Little White Chapel’, home of the world’s only drive-through wedding window: 7 minutes.
  • Cost for a ‘Little White Chapel’ ceremony: $30.

The Differences between Men and Women

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

News flash: Men and women are not alike! Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged.


A Girl’s Guide to Condoms

Girl's Guide to Dating
Girl’s Guide to Dating

Excerpt from A GIRL’S GUIDE TO CONDOMS, by Mimi Coucher

WARNING: Boys cannot read this. If you are a boy and are reading this, stop immediately. The following article is chock-full of highly intimate girl secrets that will be 10 times more embarrassing than any TV commercial for feminine-hygiene products you’ve ever seen. So quit it. I mean it. You’ll be sorry.

OLD FACT: Condoms aren’t sexy. Neither are rubbers, sheaths, prophylactics, Coney Island white fish, raincoats, skins, safes, rubber booties, socks. The package says, “Sold for the prevention of venereal disease.” The boys say, “Sold for the prevention of love”. Oft compared to taking a bath with socks on, the condom ritual was the classic bane to the romantic advances of bumbling ’50s teens.

NEW FACT: Unless you can account for all the blood transfusions, intravenous activities, and sexual escapades of your partner and your partner’s partners, you’d best get used to the idea, right now. “Say,” you blink innocently, “shouldn’t the boy be taking some responsibility for this dangerous transaction?” Yes, of course. But I wouldn’t count on it. You know how they are. And here’s a horrifying thought: not only are you protecting yourself against your partner, you’re protecting your partner against you.

Oh, cheer up. It beats abstinence.